Hot tub in the snow
Warm and cozy, loving life
Whatcha mean, “Get out”?
Tag Archives: Life
Off The Grid
The government is playing Yahtzee
Except instead of rolling dice
They get to place the dice face-up
However they think is nice.
Meanwhile, they make us roll our dice
And tell them what we rolled
Even though they already watched us
And take half our score ‘til we fold.
Playing Yahtzee with the government
Is not a whole lot of fun
So that’s why I want to go live in the woods
With my wife, my dog, and my gun.
#Relatable
So you know when you’re in public
And you kinda need to poop
So you go into the restroom
And kinda do a stoop
And pray that all the excrement
That needs to leave your bum
Will flow into the toilet
Before your knees get numb?
You wait and wait for seven years
(The watch would say 1 minute)
‘Til you let loose a bunny turd
And you say, “That’s good, innit?”
And then you do the little walk
Back to the restaurant table
And though you still have to poop
You also want to seem mentally stable?
Filed under Poems
Ten-Year-Old Me And Thirty-Year-Old Me Have The Same Complaints
My parents said that trading card games
Weren’t good for my education
But as I grow advanced in age
I deny that proclamation
Because working for days on a perfect deck
And bringing it to play with strangers
Only to get wiped out by $1,000 carboard
Is a lesson in capitalist dangers.
Filed under Poems
What I Think Of During Meetings
Thanks to fluorescent lighting
You see a hundred smiling faces
Of a hundred unhappy people
Just covering their bases.
There’s a slideshow on the laptop
That was made the night before
That will make investors happy
And will make the buyers poor.
The conference room has donuts
And the chairs are soft and red
And you eat the sweet, admit defeat,
And notice that you’re dead.
But if you have a family,
A student, and a friend,
And half as many fucks to give
You’ll know its not the end
But instead you’ll move toward the light
In the corner of the page
And start to live the life you had
When you still knew your age.
Where Do You See Yourself In 50 Years?
In the year 2075
I’ll be watching Star Wars 25
With my grandkid, Skibidaura
And sentient Venusian flora
And I’ll wonder why I’m still alive.
Filed under Poems
Things We Can Learn From Kids
At what age can you no longer say
“Do you want to be friends?” to a stranger?
It seems to be somewhere between six and 90
And otherwise they call you “Danger”.
But I think the world would be happier
If we’d ask to be friends way more often.
Sure, they can say “no”, but give it some time
And society will soon start to soften.
Filed under Poems
They’re Selling My Childhood, And I’m All For It
I used to be excited
When new video games released
So I could see new features
And how the quality increased.
Now I watch the new releases
And I’m on the lookout for
The rereleases of the games
Made in 2004.
Filed under Poems
Tick Tock? Wait… That’s Not Right…
I had an hour this evening
So I watched Youtube for ten minutes.
Now it’s Saturday morning.
Funny how life goes, innit?
Filed under Poems
My Evening
Fourth and seven Bills:
Kincaid almost got the catch…
Well #*$&… Go Eagles!
Filed under Poems
