People are always joking
About how it weirds them out
That someone grabbed a cow’s udder
And drank what came out.
But I’m wondering who
Ground some wheat with a stone
Mixed it with milk and bacteria
Then left it alone
Before heating it up
To 300 degrees
And then frying it up
With some butter and cheese…
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the night before Monday
And all through the nation
There were people in need
Of another vacation.
They’d worked all their lives
Forty hours or more,
Fighting tooth and nail
For a new higher score.
The cost of the score
Was not steep if you count
Sanity and free time
As a meager amount,
And so they awoke
To commute and check out
And that, my dear kids,
Is what work’s all about.
Filed under Poems
Today I woke at 5:00 AM
To play a video game
Where I got to go to school
With a crocodile made of flame
And ride a living, dragon motorcycle
Far across the land,
Throwing balls at animals
So they’re at my command.
I took a day off work for this,
Ignored my social life,
Forgot to take a shower with
The girl who’ll be my wife.
All this is the triumph
Of a fully grown adult
Whose parents never let him buy
A pumpkin catapult.
Filed under Poems
Today we got to experience twice
The hour of 1:00 AM.
As hours go, it was very nice
And my sleep was remarkably REM.
Tomorrow I get to experience once
The hour of butt-crack-of-dawn
So I sign off this poem with the word “dunce”
And a working man’s 8:00 PM yawn.
Filed under Poems
Today I drove a long, long way.
Tomorrow I got to the dentist.
That’s why this poem is short,
As if written by the poet’s apprentice.
Filed under Poems
I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”
Was polite, not a micro-aggression.
I recall when when “Boys and girls”
Was how you called kids to attention.
I was there when, instead of a mask,
We taught kids to cover their cough.
Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny
It is nice to still get summers off.
Filed under Poems
Sitting by the fire
And my Seahawks won today.
Long day, short poem.
Filed under Poems
It’s morning at the vineyard
And the weather’s looking fine!
We sing hurrah and pick syrah
By bunches off the vine.
There’s Malbec for our jelly
And cabernet for wine,
Filling bucket after bucket
With pickers numbering nine.
My girl may have partaken
Of a bottle from last year.
The leaves stay green and limber
Though its fruit will disappear.
With truck beds full and spirits high
We loose a mirthful cheer!
Now we’re on the highway home
With the pickers we hold dear.
Tomorrow we’ll de-stem the lot
And barrel it to wait
Until next year’s excursion
Or ‘til 2028.
It’s a family tradition
So we all participate,
Bottling mornings in the vineyard,
Packing memories by the crate.
Filed under Poems
I was a monster hunter
In a past life, but alas
I was reincarnated
As a big-mouth billy bass
And instead of hunting demons,
Slaying dragons and the like
I sing “Take me to the river”
To a naked guy named “Spike.”
It wasn’t quite the future
I imagined when I fell.
I did not find Valhalla
But a special sort of Hell.
But in between my bursts of song
And bobbing of my head
I dream of where I’ll be reborn
When next I’m stricken dead…
Filed under Poems
Giant peaks of scarlet leaves
Mixed with auburn, amber, gold
Summoning the child within
To leap in, safe from autumns’s cold.
Into the fallen leaves in hues
Of flame and fortune children fly
And gentle wind, October’s whisper,
Seays so gently from the sky.
Hours after laughter leaves
The leaves themselves, scattered, wild,
Echo of the past adventures
Of literal and inner child.
Pumpkin pie and jokes await
‘Til snow fulfills poor Autumn’s fate.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 