Tag Archives: Love

Just A Century Ago

In the year 1918

Amidst a world we’ve never seen

The fighters of the first world war

Showed what God made our hearts for.

Among the trenches, wet and cold

A German soldier was so bold

As to sing, rather than fight,

A verse or two of “Silent Night.”

As dawn turned from gray to blue

One soldiers voice soon became two

And before the song was done

Two armies voices soon were one

And bayonets with white flags rose

And enemies came nose to nose

To swap greetings and cigarettes:

One Christmas morning, no regrets.

Whether trenches or safe spaces,

Between all people and all races

Lives a love that’s oft denied

That no longer should we hide.

If for a day or for a year

We sing of peace so foes can hear

Then whether brown or beige or black

We may just hear our foes sing back.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Aphrodite’s Mom-of-the-Year Award

I didn’t put my firearms

In a baby-proof safe. I’m not stupid!

I just wanted to give the world

A much more dangerous cupid.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Pollination in NPC-Ville

I walk in the white flower garden,

One block of peace

In a mountain of steel,

Glass, smoke, and grease.

The flowers have tattooed

Their white petals brown,

Exposed their stems

For a night on the town.

They speak of old flowers

Who once shared their bed,

How far their particular

Pollen has spread.

You can watch how they wilt

While they boast that they thrive

And you wonder why bees

Opt to stay in the hive.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hi Debbie!

If you were a prescription drug

I’d call you Trilambdakrip

Because the word is meaningless

Just like our relationship.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

I brought a dozen roses,

A diamond, and a kitten

To serenade by starlight

The lass with whom I’m smitten.

I sang “Every Breath You Take”

To my very special girl.

Then she locked me in her laser sights

And sang me “Goodbye Earl.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!

A minute with me

Is an hour in Heaven,

But no woman will know

‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Bad Romance

I love you

Like Japan loves tentacles,

Like psychos love murder

And goth teens love pentacles.

I love you

Like Chris Pratt loves his raptors

And people with Stockholm

Syndrome love their captors.

I love you

Like a farmer loves cattle,

Like that one guy you know

Loves leather and a paddle.

I love you

Like Tarantino loves gore

And it’s for these reasons

I can’t see you no more.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

If “The Red Wheelbarrow” Is Good, Why Isn’t This?

Her love made me warm and fuzzy

Like a bit of french cheese

Left in a sauna over the weekend

But, alas, she had fleas.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Widow Lives Matter

Even though her legs are hairy

She’s still beautiful.

Just because her jaw is wide

Doesn’t make her unfeminine.

I don’t love her any less

Just because she has eight legs,

Thirty-seven eyes,

And mandibles to store venom in.

I don’t mind her bug-eating thing

Or her webs around the house,

Her association with evil

And summoning of bad lucks.

The only real area

Where her allure could be improved

Is the part where she kills and eats me

After every time she… well shucks.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems