Some days I stay up too late…
Like right now. (It’s 11:38)
Thanks to my late bedtimes
I’ve kept up with daily rhymes
And not yet inspired your hate.
Tag Archives: poems
Close Calls and My Unintentional Confession That I’m A Wimp Who Doesn’t Know What “Staying Up Late” Means
Filed under Poems
Hail to the Chief(s)
Today the 49ers lost
And Trump was not impeached,
White men still have power
And whales still get beached.
Meanwhile in Kansas City
The fans are seeing red
And cheerful songs from joyful throngs
Are filling smiling heads.
One man’s rent is $1006
And one is $3688.
At least a team of Native Americans
Won for the Golden State!
Filed under Poems
He’s Asian, So He’ll Probably Send Me $6
When the Coronavirus began
I sent my buddy a letter:
“Bet you five bucks this is the new plague
“Because asians do everything better.”
Filed under Poems
SERIOUSLY?! DOST THOU KIDDETH THY LORD?!
Somewhere in Heaven
The Gods all look down
At the biggest of cities
And the tiniest town,
They watch people playin’
And workin’ and sleepin’
(It’s okay that they watch us
‘Cause Gods can’t be creepin’).
They shout for our victories,
Sob for our failings,
But one thing holds constant
For all of their wailings:
All Gods will swear
On all that is pious
That those damned referees
Are all fuckin’ biased.
Filed under Poems
The Event Of A Lifetime
They hosted a party
On the banks of the Styx
For the vice-presidents
And the second-round picks,
The guys who won silver,
Who went out with a flicker,
And all the cheerleaders
Who dated the kicker.
They hosted a party
For the closely defeated
To celebrate those
Who quite nearly succeeded.
I was invited
But stayed home instead
‘Cause I hadn’t stopped trying
And wasn’t yet dead.
Filed under Poems
Raucous Caucus Talk
In Iowa approacheth
Democratic circumstances
In which the snollygosters
Can perform their verbal dances,
Each hoping to ensnareth
Those gullible and influential
For they see primary voting
As a big campaign essential.
The maladroits have moseyed
And the minor leaguers drowned
Leaving only malefactors
With the finest lies around
And the lucky folks in Davenport,
Des Moines, and Keokuk
Get to argue first about
Who’s the least likely to suck.
Filed under Poems
Dear Muddlers
You want to be listened to
Instead of overheard.
You want a conversation
And not just have a word.
You want to celebrate your life
Instead of just staying alive
And because you know the difference
I know someday you’ll thrive.
Filed under Poems
When You Least Expect It
Sometimes you bite
A chocolate chip cookie
But it’s actually oatmeal raisin.
Sometimes you meet with
A girl you don’t like
But she’s actually really amazin’.
Sometimes you’re hired
For the job of your dreams
Which turns into something you dread.
Sometimes a cookie
Is only a cookie
But sometimes it’s a chimpanzee’s head.
Filed under Poems
Social Media
I think there are two types of folks.
Let’s see if you agree:
1: People who are literally Hitler
2: People who think just like me
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 