Tag Archives: poems

Approach Anxiety – Power Metal Version

My feelings unspoken

Are like chains unbroken:

Restraining. Containing

The beast locked within.

To have them be heard…

A heart turned to word…

Uncurtained, uncertain

Of where to begin.

I know I can’t fight

The coming of night.

I don’t know what’s right

When I hear you coming.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Into the land of numbing.

I look in your hazel eyes

Hoping this feeling dies

But the beast smells a feast

And my heart needs to roar.

Steel bars start to bend

And I cannot contend

So I do what feels true:

Let the beast break down the door.

I knew not to fight

The coming of night.

I did what felt right

When I heard you calling.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Though it feels like falling.

The cage opens wide,

Lets the monster outside.

The beast is released

And it pounces on you.

But claw scratches steel;

How can this be real?

Could it be, just like me,

There’s a beast inside you?

I welcome our fight

In the coming of night.

Can’t know that I’m right

But it’s worth the gamble.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day

But I no longer hide

For lack of preamble.

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Cowboy Boots

Somebody said: Let’s make a shoe

That doesn’t have to be tied,

That you can wear for a night on the town

Or when on a horse you ride

That’s made from an alligator’s flesh

And comes with loud, stabby heels,

Plus make it the only kind of shoe

For which there are no online deals!

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Nursing Home Rhymes

I’ve got dandruff on my shins…

That’s not where it goes!

Know I need some Head and Shoulders

For between my knees and toes.

——————————————————–

To get 8 hours of sleep at night

I do whatever it takes,

By which I mean taking 10-minute naps

Between my bathroom breaks.

——————————————————–

Twinkle twinkle little star

Way above my little car,

Shining in my optic nerve

Making me violently swerve.

Twinkle twinkle little star

On the badge of officer Barr.

I sang him “YMCA.”

Why’d he take my license away?

Twinkle twinkle little star…

Crap, I left my teeth in the car!

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Celebrity Weddings

With persiflage they pledged

To be true what was alleged.

With mockery they both

Laid down their sacred oath.

She had money on the mind;

He had eyes on her behind.

Thus, with one all-sealing kiss

Began six days of wedded bliss.

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This Is Why Blueberry And Strawberry Yogurt Are Popular

Men want to talk about grape yogurt.

Women want to talk about patriarchy.

Men like talking about grape culture.

Feminists dislike the letter “G.”

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Hoof You Been Talkin’ To?

I saw horses running

With humans on their backs.

I said, “Now there’s an animal

“We’ve not made into snacks.

“They’re gorgeous and majestic

“And possess a lightning speed,”

But the one kid eating glue

Silently disagreed.

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Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

That dress is fine

For cosplaying Shamu.

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Wrong

A hero stood and spoke the truth,

Was called unwise, uncool, uncouth,

Was thrown out by the ruling men

But in the streets he spoke again.

His home was burned, his name was mocked,

His faith was tested, his world was rocked.

He was left penniless in shame

But when he spoke, he spoke the same.

He watched as liars took control,

Saw how untruths extract their toll.

The Earth collapsed beneath a word,

While the truth was spoken, yet unheard.

Left with no ground to stand upon,

When everything he loved was gone,

The Earth was ash, but still he stood;

He was the only one who would.

But from the ash a flower grew,

A cloud allowed the sunshine through,

A bird sang out a cheerful song

And the hero saw that he was wrong:

Life was good, so broken-hearted

The hero silently departed.

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Baby’s First Gangsta Rap

I hit my brother

And hit my mother.

It was not okay.

They said “Don’t hit.”

I said “No shit”

And hit them anyway.

Cops saw the fight,

Turned on their light,

And hit me in the gut.

So hitting’s okay

With the government’s say?

And I was all like “Wut?”

I hit the cop

And hit my pop

With my inflatable hammer.

They cuffed my wrists

To stop my fists

And shut me in the slammer.

I was in jail

‘Cause no one paid bail

And was charged in juvenile court.

I can’t write a sentence

But I’ll attempt repentance

And maybe build a fort.

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How My Dates End

Thanks for dinner!

I had lots of fun.

Here’s my number:

911

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