Life is an X-Rated video game
And we are the gigantic foes
That stop young players from seeing things
Until their character grows.
Tag Archives: Poetry
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
Eight months ago the plague began
And this is what we did:
We locked the doors and bought TP
And then, for months, we hid.
And when we ate and pooped too much
We ventured out once more,
And so it was the first lockdown
Was written in the lore.
But when the lockdown ended
It seemed the plague had not,
And it was clear the lockdown
Had not a new peace brought.
It hadn’t worked, and so the leaders
Gathered to discuss
What they could say to guarantee
Obedience from us.
What the leaders settled on
Is really rather zen:
“It didn’t work the first time,
“So let’s do the same again!”
And many of the people
Went along without a fight
Because the folks with titles
Told them, “This will make it right.”
Meanwhile, the maskless multitude
Possessing common sense
Said politely, “Thanks, no thanks.”
And thus the world grew tense…
And now a civil war of sorts
‘Tween masked and naked faces
Will not subside regardless of
How numerous the cases.
And all of this could be escaped
If one would simply say
“Do as you will with who you want
“And please respect my way.”
Filed under Poems
Intro to International Business
To effectively communicate
Online in Japanese
You must memorize 2,000
Unique symbols called Kanjiis
As well as two whole alphabets
One-hundred seven letters each.
These are the fundamentals
And the first things people teach.
To converse online in English
Is an entirely different tale…
Just memorize the following:
“Like,” “Your mom,” and “Epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Who Sang It Better?
I saw an advertisement
While mountain-climbing with my baby.
She asked, “Should we remove it?”
And I replied with, “Maybe.”
So up we climbed, so happy
And the snow made us reflective,
Until we turned around and looked
With our lenses-corrective
At what we later learned
Was a mass of falling soil
Which depressed me, for I knew my life
Was little more than toil.
In hindsight, I took my love
And I took ad down,
Climbed a mountain
And turned around,
I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill
‘Til a landslide brought me down.
Filed under Poems
What Being The Coolest Kid In 3rd Grade Sounds Like
Go-Gurt is yogurt
That’s put in a sleeve.
Here’s a tube of “Away Bro…”
Now why don’t you leave?
Criminal Justice 101
For those who aren’t aware,
Jail and prison are not the same.
To help remember which is which
You can play this little game:
If you piss off any cop
You’ll go to a jail cell.
If you’re either poor or black
You’ll go to prison as well.
Filed under Poems
9/10 University Professors Think This Acronym Is Invalid…
If you’re like me and I’m like you
You hear a lot about LGBTQ,
Perhaps even about BIPOC,
But never about SPWCOV.
Now it’s important to tolerate
Those who are gay, lesbian, trans,
And those who are bisexual
And whatever it is for which “Q” stands,
It’s important to have empathy
And remember the plights
Of those who are indigenous
And all the other non-whites,
And women deserve a mention
So the feminists can’t fine us…
But what about the Straight People
Without Color Or Vaginas?
Filed under Poems
…That Was When Elon Musk Got A New Idea…
Some fear that robots will steal our jobs
But that’s not the future I see…
After all, what robot has the power
To turn any liquid into pee?
Filed under Poems
On Vehicular Abuse
On behalf of all the tires kicked,
The roofs slapped, the bumpers knicked,
The cars entered without consent
And sold by men with ill intent:
We confess that in the past
We used you and we moved too fast,
Judged you by color and age
And failed to pay you any wage.
Forgive we ask, and hear our pleas
To cars and trucks and SUVs,
And with your help we make this vow:
With you, we’ll go the right way now.
Filed under Poems
Exercise in the Park
I asked, “Jerry, how do I
“Improve my upper body strength?”
He said, “A bench press
“Is a good place to start, Mark.”
I thought of his advice
And pondered it at length,
Then I grabbed my iron
And went to the city park.
I told the people and the pigeons
That they must depart,
Then I pressed into that bench
Until the steam had all but ceased.
I still have a weak torso
But Jerry said that it’s a start,
And even so I must admit
The bench looks better creased.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 