The fact that football stadiums
Are filled with maskless faces
Who came to watch a bunch of men
Of many faiths and races
Hit each other for a ball
While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”
Makes me think the world’s too good
To suddenly abandon.
Tag Archives: Politically Incorrect
This Is Why God Chose Me To Have A Poet’s Salary
If I had a billion dollars
I’d buy a sports franchise
And make a special policy
To only hire guys
With super inappropriate surnames
Like Hitler, Kuntz, White-Powers,
And listen to the commentators
Say their names for hours…
Filed under Poems
Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…
I needed some lubrication
(Not for that, you dirty cad!)
So I went to the supermarket
To see what types they had.
They had oil made from olives,
Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,
And ingredients I can’t pronounce
Even if I tried for hours.
But then I saw a product
That set my blood a boil:
Somebody was selling there
A jar of baby oil!
Filed under Poems
Carols In Da Hood
Today as I was driving
Through the downtown Detroit snow
I heard such lovely music as
“Oh Nightly Hoe,”
“Blew Christmas,” “Slay Ride,”
“Santa Baby-Daddy,” “Little Saint’s Dick,”
“White Privilege Christmas”
And “Look Who I Got With The Ice Pick.”
I would have felt unsafe but I
Was with someone known well:
My inner-city Christmas buddy
Da’First No’El.
Filed under Poems
And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”
I think the biggest reason
Why the term “minion” exists
Is because all the female henchmen
Continually insist
That “henchman” is a sexist term
And they should be called “henchperson”
And the trust relationship
With their villain starts to worsen.
To avoid such conflicts
The term “minion” is used instead…
Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”
And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”
Filed under Poems
Thanks College!
Upon one hazy evening
Beneath the colored leaves
A poet kneels softly
And in the silence grieves.
Upon seeing this visage
A bright young student stands,
Walks towards the poet’s place
And with a screech demands
“Did you really write a poem
“That describes the leaves as ‘colored?’
“I find that language offensive
“And conclude you are a dullard!”
The poet still kneels softly
Beneath the not-green leaves,
And now you understand human stupidity
Which is why the poet grieves.
Filed under Poems
When The School Counselor Gives Up
Just because last time you jumped
You injured yourself in the fall
Doesn’t mean you’ll be mistaken
If you once again give it your all.
Just because last time the verdict
Did not go the way you intended
Does not mean your life will be better
If you avoid being offended.
Just because pain is eternal
Doesn’t mean you should quit having fun.
Don’t be a fool! Get up! Go to school!
And oh, by the way, here’s a gun.
Filed under Poems
“F*ck Your Freedom” -Howard Stern
Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
There’s One Thing That Matters, And It’s Not Skin
I talk about love
And I talk about life,
How I do honest work
For my kids and my wife,
How I got a step up
From my forefather’s grace,
But what keeps me alive
Is the sweat on my face.
I won’t take a dime
If it hasn’t been earned;
Can’t regret when I failed
Because that’s when I learned.
I can say what I say
With no need for defense
Because what I say
Is just plain common sense.
So if you think I hate
Someone ‘cause they’re not white,
Consider a moment
That you may not be right.
Perhaps I respect
Those who earned their own keep
With an excess of ethics
And an absence of sleep;
Maybe the reason
You’re not on my mind
Is because I’m a doer
And I like my own kind.
You want to be equal?
Well, I want that too.
While I’m out here working
I’ll watch what you do
And when you go home
Having done what you should
You won’t think about race:
You’ll be feeling too good!
Filed under Poems
When Pride Month Ends
Rainbows, rainbows, go away
Let the sky be blue!
If we want something colorful
Then fireworks will do!
And while we are at home, watching
The rainbows go away
We can watch football again
Without it being gay.
I can’t wait until the day
When rainbows dissipate
And I am blamed for being white
Instead of being straight.
Rainbows, rainbows, go away
As June turns to July…
But leave behind lesbian porn
And George Takei’s “Oh My.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 