Tag Archives: Postaday

Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!

‘Twas the night before Monday,

The holiday’s end,

And the workers had finished

Their Black Friday spend.

Their cars were all parked

With their windshields frosted

And bellies were bulging

From turkeys accosted.

When all of a sudden

There came such a clatter

And the bosses were shocked,

Asking what was the matter

That caused half the workers

To all call in sick.

Was it coincident timing

Or some type of trick?

So the managers dialed

A flurry of phones

And said, “Hey how are you”

In indifferent tones

Before they proceeded

With the meat of their call:

“You must come in tomorrow

“Or not come back at all.”

And so all the workers

With debt growing daily

Said “Sure, see you Monday”

While giggling gaily.

Then the bosses drove off

To their villas, inspired.

Merry Monday to all!

Get to work or you’re fired!

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No One Ever Got Hurt Falling From Rock Bottom

You can’t assault the willing

Or rob the destitute.

You cannot kill the corpses

Or silence the already mute.

You can’t raze the fallen

Nor an existing travesty botch

So if you feel targeted

Maybe take it down a notch.

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Black Friday Deals

There was an unwanted doodad

That everyone figured was bad

But just for today

We can send it your way

For 10% off. Aren’t you glad?

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Enough Is Enough! (But I’m Having Seconds Anyway)

I’m looking forward to eating turkey

Until I’m comatose instead of perky

And the fact that in around seven days

There will come an end to the Black Fridays.

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But There Is An “I” In “Heavy Sigh”

They say there’s no “I” in team

Which makes me want to scream

‘Cause there’s no “I” in “eye”

Nor in “aye”, “fly”, “guy”, “spy”,

So it’s not as mundane as would seem.

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*Sniff*

If, instead of using eugenics

To get a particular color of eye,

They bred for noses that never get stuffy

We’d think better of small-mustache guy.

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The Force Awakens; The Audience Sleeps

Ten years ago today

We saw a theatrical trailer

For what history may call

The biggest cinematic failure:

A lifeless Star Wars reboot

That exceeded our most cynical fears.

Now come back and read this poem

In another couple of years.

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Why The Dinosaurs Didn’t Re-Evolve

Chicken of the Sea

Serves as warning for the fish

Who would go on land.

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The Middle Child (68)

I remember how my sister,

69, was always “nice”.

Then my brother, 67,

Became a meme. It happened twice!

Yet here I am, poor 68,

Unrecognized ‘til now.

I am still important though,

And let me tell you how:

I’m the atomic number for Erbium

And the number of squares in Chutes and Ladders;

Emperor Nero died in year 68

So Julio-Claudians think that matters;

I’m a trope for a generic hotel room number

And the latitude of midnight sun;

L.C. Greenwood of the Steelers

Wore my number. Super fun!

I’m two-times-two times seventeen

And a Californian highway

And still despite these awesome facts

I never get things my way…

For now I’ll stay anonymous

As seems to be my fate

But watch for me on YouTube

In 2028.

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Happy International Men’s Day!

House all to myself.

There’s a lot of stuff to do

Like nap on the couch.

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