Private Johnson swam onto
The beach at Normandy.
I’ll not describe the horrors
Which that soldier had to see.
He killed opposing soldiers
Because command insisted.
Imagine how it would have been
If video games existed…
Tag Archives: Silly
Happy Black History Month
They’re always making movies
About how white culture sucks
‘Cause “white folks are all racist”
And therefor are sitting ducks
To being cast as villains
In movies about the first
All black [insert niche hobby] group.
Isn’t that just the worst?
So I want to make a movie
Set in ye olde Babylon
About the first non-Jewish folks
God didn’t inflict pain on,
Or how about the first straight white guy
Who stayed home to raise his kid
And all the crazy backlash
About the stuff that one guy did?
I’d even take, at this point,
A commercial for insurance
Where a man is dumb and so’s his wife
And you can make your own inference.
And maybe if we all work hard
We’ll live to see the day
That a white guy is selected
To be in the NBA.
Filed under Poems
Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far
Tonight I have no topics
To write a poem about…
But will that stop me? Never!
I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!
No force of man or nature
Can stop me writing junk.
As big tech corporations say:
“It’s a feature, not a funk.”
In fact, when I’m inspired
I might settle for one stanza
About something that sounds funny
Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.
But today, despite my lack
Of anything resembling a point
I wrote a lengthy poem
And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.
Filed under Poems
E I E Ya Know?
Why are classic songs just like,
“Songs just like,
“Songs just like?”
Why are classic songs just like
Repetitive and s**t?
Filed under Poems
You Can’t Do It Alone
He found the perfect woman
And he bought the perfect ring
And he planned a perfect marriage
For a perfect queen and king.
Together in the gardens
He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”
And she took a knee beside him
And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.
Filed under Poems
I Dream of England
Jerry was snoring
In bed in New Hamphire.
“Zzz” was the sound from his head.
Gerald was snoring
In the Hampshire of olde,
And onlookers heard “Zedzedzed.”
Filed under Poems
Grief + Caffeine =
Woe is me, woe is me
For my true love is dead.
She woke up one morning
With one fewer head.
It cannot be real!
It must be a fake!
I’m angry as hell
Thanks to someone’s mistake!
Oh, what would I give
To return her to life?
Oh what’s the use anyway?
Let’s get on with life.
Filed under Poems
Why Your Meat Choice Matters
For every chicken they kill
To sell at the store
When apocalypse comes
That’s one skeleton more.
For every boneless chicken
You bring home to roast
When apocalypse comes
That’s just one more ghost.
Filed under Poems
The REAL Cause of Global Warming (and How to Fix It)
Before the internet was made
Antarctica was nice:
Just peaceful people chilling
On an endless sheet of ice.
But after wifi came along
Antarctica, once fine,
Fell immediately into
Inescapable decline
Because one lonely penguin
(Or perhaps a polar bear)
Signed on to ye olde internet
Just to see what’s there.
That was when the searcher
Received the first and fatal clue:
“Are you feeling lonely?
“Check out hot singles near you.”
Now I am not a penguin
(Nor am I a polar bear)
But whatever sorry animal saw
The advertisement there
Went looking for hot singles
Due to loneliness they felt,
Not thinking that the hotness
Just might cause the ice to melt.
Now we find Antarctica
Is little more than ocean
Because of one’s animal needs
(At least that is my notion).
So if we want the glaciers back
And want to stop tides rising
My must delete the internet
(At least that’s my surmising).
Filed under Poems
Feel The Burn
I’m not a really kinky dude
(As you may have surmised)
So I don’t know if this is real
But I wouldn’t be surprised:
There should be a dating site
For folks who “sub” or “dom”
To meet in public places…
“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 