A mother’s like a brother
If a brother were a mom.
There’s no other to smother;
You’re her one and only “da bomb.”
She’s comfy and inviting
And onto her you do glom.
My mother made me write this
And I wish her much aplomb!
Tag Archives: Silly
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
When She Doesn’t Approve Of Your Job
Work was hard to come by
So I became an exorcist.
Alas, this happy story
Comes with a bitter twist:
I sent unwanted spirits
From this world and set them free,
But my girl, who died in high school,
Called me rude and ghosted me.
Filed under Poems
Yet Another Example Of Racism In The Public Schools
Timmy and Betty drew pictures
And Timmy got an A
But teacher said to Betty
“Your picture’s not ok.”
Both drew their self portraits
But one was not alright;
Timmy used a black marker
But Betty’s pen was white.
Filed under Poems
The Sound Of Silence
Imagine for a moment
No one ever spoke again.
You think it would be scary…
Either that or very zen.
The real situation
Is somewhere between the two:
It’s just stomachs imitating
Horny whales saying “Howdy do!”
Filed under Poems
Whole Milk
I poured myself a glass of milk,
White as clouds and soft as silk,
Then put powdered milk in the cup
And took a spoon and stirred it up,
Then I poured condensed milk in
And, with the spoon, gave it a spin.
It was at this point, to my dismay,
My buxom girlfriend ran away.
Filed under Poems
CNN, 1 AD
Almost two weeks have passed
Since the “King of the Jews”
Awoke from the dead after three days
And made international news.
After promising forgiveness
Of all humans and departing,
Mumblings of discontent
From sinners have been starting.
“I wanted to retire
“Somewhere warm,” one sinner said,
“But now I have to worry
“About grace and s**t instead.”
“I’m pissed about redemption,”
Another man commented.
“What about my right to be
“Eternally tormented?”
In fact it seems that since the day
That Jesus pulled a “Nope”
And ascended into Heaven
To give the humans hope
Everyone’s been angry.
“I’m upset,” one human mused.
Tomorrow: “Why all the good men suck”
Right here on Nightly News.
This post was sponsored in part by Serpent Apple Company. Just one bite can change your life!
Filed under Poems
It’s All Short And Bald… And It Has Gills
I’ve decided to stop drinking water.
It’s controversial, of course,
But I made up my mind when I saw what comes
From adding “sea” to a horse.
Filed under Poems
When You Really Want To Do An Epic Rhyme But The Setup Is Bananas
There was a grammarian from Crimea
Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.
Timmy N said “Gimme an
“Crimean simian”
And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”
Filed under Poems
I’m Not One Of The Sheep… I’m Just The Pasture
You know those tests they give you
That tell your dream career?
There’s been an innovation
In those tests, or so I hear.
They’ve found 80 percent or more
Of testers’ perfect jobs
Are members of unthinking
And mostly peaceful violent mobs.
I didn’t think about it much
When first I heard the news,
But when I took the test myself
I had to change my views.
I scored, not as a rioter,
But a guy who owns a store
That sells lightweight TVs and food
In downtown Baltimore.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 