Sometimes I wish I were an itch,
An itch that can’t be scratched
So I could bug the ugly thug
To whom you are attached.
Then when you were single
I would steal away your heart
And just like that eternal itch
We’d never be apart.
But eventually you’d hate me
And the scratching I’d inspire
And you’d dump me for some other jerk
Of whom you would soon tire
Then I would swoop back to you,
Your faithful little itch
And maybe this time you won’t dump me?
What do you mean my fetish is niche…
Filed under Poems
My dream is not too grandiose;
It’s simply to be less verbose.
Filed under Poems
All I want for Christmas
Is a lump of coal.
I hope I get one soon.
My only problem
Is I’m a good boy
And also that it’s June.
Filed under Poems
When one cannot find the time
To come up with a clever rhyme
Or twist to end a bit of verse
One may perchance become terse.
One may then search and one may find
That a lousy poem they don’t mind,
That stuff can be bad yet still okay
And that’s the tale of my poem today!
Filed under Poems
Because you are a chemical
You don’t wear a size nine shoe
But you are so oft-forgotten
No one knows that but you.
We all worry so darn much about
Your friend Sodium’s consumption
We think you aren’t an important part
And that’s an erroneous assumption!
Why Sodium all on her own
Is a terribly temperamental sort
Prone to explosions when meeting water
So her friend Chloride we should court.
Alas most people barely passed
Their college chemistry classes
So by ignoring Chloride, friends,
We risk the explosion of our asses.
Are you bad enough to be a guest poet? Email me your work to find out! TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems
If I were a turtle
I would be more fertile.
I’d have more girl turtles to court.
Also nothing but fertile
Rhymes well with turtle
And turtles don’t care if you’re short.
Filed under Poems
Super strength at tea parties,
Super speed in bed,
Shoot lasers from your eyes
Whenever you say “I thee wed,”
Flight while on an airplane,
Access to Betamax knowledge,
Or being a straight white male
But only when applying to college.
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There are things I’ll never knew
‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue
But since I eated it I confess
This poem’s grammars has not make sense.
Filed under Poems
There aren’t very many
Who do not have any.
There’s a few who have fewer than ten.
But if you meet the ten-plussers
Who seem proud and aren’t fussers
They are almost certainly men.
Filed under Poems
She lay beside me
Still in her white dress.
My mouth was alight in her taste.
Her skin was like russet.
Her body was slender
From tip-to-tip, straight in the waist.
She was my fantasy,
Food on my table,
Sustaining me all through the day.
So although it is weird
To put a dress on bacon
I do it ’cause she is my bae.
Filed under Poems
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