I figured I could dabble
In championship Scrabble.
Then he played “Krypterqu”
For 502.
Now I just play with the rabble.
Tag Archives: Silly
How To Fail Less
If at first you don’t succeed
Find out who has made it so
Then stab that person ’til they bleed
And on to victory you’ll go.
This strategy has proven good
Historically for folks who are male
But wait! Do it not you should
If you cause yourself to fail.
Filed under Poems
When You Should Have Stopped After The First Weird Limerick
If you grew a six-foot long beard
You’d probably think it was weird
But after a while
You’d probably smile
And think “This ain’t as bad as I feared.”
And if a six-foot beard grew you
It would not know what to do
Because shaving’s a pain
And beards don’t have a brain.
These dilemmas are why I’m not a jew.
Filed under Poems
Hint: Probably Someone In Florida
Who drove by a lemonade stand
And thought about it later
And decided, instead of lemons,
The -ade would be better with gators?
Filed under Poems
Yet We Know All About Sea Cucumber Reproduction…
If you took the Bible
And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”
With “I like to eat babies”
You’d have the very same book.
The same can be said for “Croissant,”
And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”
I find it quite surprising
No one’s written a thesis on this yet.
Filed under Poems
Dumbledore and Me
As Dumbledore once said
When called upon to speak:
“I have a few words to say:
“Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak.”
These words describe my mental state
It’s been that sort of week.
Filed under Poems
The Two Great Sources Of Human Suffering
The greatest mistakes man has committed
Are deferring their joy to be wealthy
And the not telling a lie when it was discovered
That eating kale was healthy.
Filed under Poems
Quick Bonus Poem
If you want to feel sadder
Than you’ve ever felt
Imagine a world
In which cheese doesn’t melt.
Filed under Poems
The 900-Year-Old Virgin
I discovered a Star Wars easter egg
That no one’s noticed yet.
The Jedi forbid romantic love
In times the prequels set.
This ban on love and marriage
As a staple of Jedi law
Lasted from Yoda’s infancy
To his death on Dagobah.
So the Easter egg I mentioned
That everybody missed
Is Yoda was Disney’s Frog Prince
That no one ever kissed.
Filed under Poems
A Poem Is Only A Poem If You Don’t Understand It (Chicks Dig Metapoetry)
Wherefore do we seek a verse
From yonder parent, babe, or nurse
To instruct us in verbal mosaic
Both obfuscatory and archaic?
Wherefore, also I must ask,
Do we encourage such a task
Except to inhabit the proverbial sack
With those who a Y chromosome lack?
And yet contests and prizes plenty
Abound for verses-sentimenty.
Especially now that need of a bard
Is largely supplanted by the Hallmark card.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 