“Wherewithin the stuff doth lie
Comes hither forth to thee and I.”
We know not what its meaning may be
But its important to someone with a PhD.
Tag Archives: Silly
Shucka-Shucka-Sucka! (Shucks?)
I once knew a Moroccan
Who thought that I was shockin’.
I gave him a shake
To see what sound he’d make
And he said “That’s a maraca, dumbass!”
Filed under Poems
Why Cops Love Summer
The twinkling stream
In sea-foam green
Was strolling o’er the rocks
And on the sand
A merry band
Were clothed in naught but socks.
They danced about,
Let it all hang out,
Just happy to be young,
Especially he,
Who’s six-foot-three
And very amply-hung.
Their harmless fun
Had hurt no one
But the cops lacked any pity:
“This here stream,
“Rural as it may seem,
“Is legally still the city.”
The cops gave out
With an air of clout
Citations to the nudists.
They seemed unstressed
As they got dressed
As if they all were buddhists.
Now clothed, the band
Heeded police demand.
It’s true! I checked on Snopes.
Unclothed, unarmed
They went home unharmed,
So black folks: there’s still hope!
Filed under Poems
There’s A Guy Who Gets His Ass Kicked In A Dark Alley
Sometimes I lie away at night
Wondering which fancy jackass
Invented the word “pretentious.”
If our positions should coincide
In an unlit walkway between buildings
I’d like to thrust a limb pertaining to my lower body
To the rear-side of the juncture connecting his counterparts of the aforementioned lower-body elements
Purely for hedonic gratification.
Filed under Poems
Oops! I meant “Perfunctory.” Wait, No…
“Pusillanimous”
Was how I described my date.
I did not get laid.
Filed under Poems
Any Time An “…Uck” Word Falls Into The Rhyme Scheme
I wanted to play hockey
And be like a Canuck.
I settled for air hockey
But I didn’t have a puck.
A lot of you tuned out of the story
Because the last rhyme might be (from the record struck)
And for those of you who think that
Too bad! You’re out of luck.
(Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk)
Filed under Poems
No Mrs. Brown, Carston Is Not An Angel
If you have offspring
And they are not Satan’s toys
Then you don’t know your kids
(Or you children aren’t boys).
If the latter is true
Well, it gets better dude!
If your children are girls…
I’m sorry, you’re screwed.
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!
A minute with me
Is an hour in Heaven,
But no woman will know
‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
Ancient Wisdom
“Let he who is without fault
Cast the first stone.”
-Ye Olde Baseball for Beginners
“Just because my path is different
“Doesn’t mean I’m lost.”
-Traditional Male Excuse
“Even though I walk
“Through the darkest valley
“I will fear no evil
“For you are with me.”
-Man With Concealed Handgun License
“Faith can move mountains.”
-Faith’s Lazy Little Brother
“There’s something about a woman
“With a loud mind
“Who sits in silence, smiling
“Knowing she can crush you
“With the truth.”
-Some hoe, probably
Filed under Uncategorized
Flour Power
All-purpose is white.
Whole wheat is gray.
I misspelled “flower”
But kept writing anyway.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 