I always wanted a grandkid
With whom I could spend days
Holding, feeding, talking, reading,
And bonding in other ways.
When I got the call that said
“I’m pregnant,” I felt joy.
All that could make it better was if
The pregnant one was my little boy.
Tag Archives: Stupid
I Hope This Limerick Ages Horribly
There once was a bat from Wuhan
Who bad people did some work on.
It got fed up one day
And just flew away
And just like that two years are gone!
Filed under Poems
Hogwarts, 2021
If you think a Banshee’s scream is bad
You have never heard
The scream of the mythical Banthey
When one’s been misgendered.
Filed under Poems
Alpha, Delta, Omicron…
A kid with jelly on his hands
Picked up a DVD
And put it in to watch a film
On their big screen TV,
But yet alas, the dirty disc
Got stuck around halfway
And it repeated the same old scene
Even when they pressed “play.”
Then finally they’d had enough
And said “I’ve had enough,”
Pulled out the disk and wiped it off
Then did some other stuff.
A five-year old can figure out
When something isn’t right
To make a new plan without delay
And still have fun that night.
And yet the leaders we voted for
Have yet to grasp this thought,;
Instead they say “shots didn’t work…
“How ‘bout another shot?”
Filed under Poems
By Reading This Limerick You May Or May Not Open A Parallel Universe
There once was a cat of Schrodinger
Who wanted to give science the finger.
He said “I will stay
“And also walk away.”
Thus he simultaneously did and did not linger.
Filed under Poems
OMG Dad, Why Can’t You Understand Vulture Is A Student Of The World?
Their wonce was amen from Bolder
Hoo new mai dotter end tolled hurr
“Eye a door ewe, Amanda
“‘Cause u un-derstanneduh
“Spelling sin the I of de beholdre.”
Filed under Poems
If Academic Papers Were Haikus: An Unnecessarily Wordy Inquiry Into The Five Syllable, Seven Syllable, Five Syllable Metric Pattern Of Japanese Poetry Because My Professor Assigned A 500-Word Paper (Please Don’t Check My Margins Or Change The Font Color)
A haiku has five
Syllables, and then seven
On the second line
According to a
Study by Milner and Stein
In 2005.
They discovered that
The five-seven-five pattern
Was correlated
With most old haiku.
That means haiku have three lines.
Polysyllabic.
This correlation
Was confirmed by researchers
Who can count numbers.
To learn more, check out
My works cited I stole from
Wikipedia.
Filed under Poems
And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”
I think the biggest reason
Why the term “minion” exists
Is because all the female henchmen
Continually insist
That “henchman” is a sexist term
And they should be called “henchperson”
And the trust relationship
With their villain starts to worsen.
To avoid such conflicts
The term “minion” is used instead…
Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”
And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”
Filed under Poems
By The Way, Why Did Didn’t
Today I wrote
“Why did the chicken cross the road”
And someone petty replied
“You forgot the question mark…
“You meant ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’”
So I went out and bought a chicken
And named it Why Did
And I commanded it:
“Why Did the chicken, cross the road!”
That’s what random internet people get
For being grammar nazis.
The Daily Travesty 