Jen lost ten pounds through exercise.
Steve lost twenty by changing his diet.
I lost sixty pounds when my tapeworm came out
But Jen and Steve are too chicken to try it.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Back To Normal
I went on a trip for 5 days
And I’m grateful in so many ways
To be home once again
Where in peace I can pen
Five-line poems that fail to amaze
Filed under Poems
On Monetization (For A Limited Time, You Can See This Poem’s Secret Full Title For Just $1.99 When You Like And Subscribe)!
I’ll tell you a tale of a terror
Of a fellow whose job starts with “C”.
He sold silly stuff, but it wasn’t enough
To make “millionaire” start with a “B”.
So it would seem that he dreamed up a scheme
Where whenever one wanted to win
They could wait for an hour to double their power
Or just pay not to wait to begin.
From there they’d enable the financially stable
To get, just a bit at a time,
A pack of fine hats that add one to your stats
For eleventy-one gems and a dime.
I’m not sure which curse is objectively worse:
The fact that they dreamed up this plan
Or that players will buy ‘til the debt hits their eye
For a chance at a doodad in tan.
And yet player one wants a gun that’s more fun
And mom’s credit card’s been pre-approved…
Or how about trying to stop all our buying
Until C-level guy gets removed?
Filed under Poems
Talk About Stuck In A Lousy Job!
You think because you aren’t paid well
And work a lot of hours
Doing work you don’t enjoy
And your outlook on life sours
That means you have a lousy job?
Your misery sorely pales
To the job of being the fish they feed
To the SeaWorld killer whales.
Filed under Poems
If I Can’t Sleep Until I Write A Poem, I Can’t Sleep Until You Read It! (Oh Wait…)
Tonight I stayed up past my bedtime.
In fact, I am still awake as you read.
I’m yawning like crazy and wanting to sleep
So could you please up your processing speed?
You Turn My Struggles Into Snuggles
Fuzzy blanket, blue as the sky,
Upon the couch on which I lie,
You’re soft and warm upon my skin
And where you end does the world begin,
And so I huddle ‘neath your sheet
To keep the warmth and trap the heat
Until the dawn, so cruel and bright,
Will slay the peaceful starry night.
Fuzzy blanket from Bass Pro Shops,
You’re where my imaginary foe stops,.
My bastion from a lukewarm room,
You cast away the stagnant gloom.
Eight feet long and six feet wide
You hold me tight, wrap me inside.
All I love more than your pale blue
Is that you’re big enough for two.
Filed under Poems
Forget Centaurs…
I asked my friend “If you could mix
“Any two animals, what would you choose?”
He said “The body of a human
“And the spirit of a goose.”
At first I thought him silly,
Maybe even a little dumb,
But now I think he’s a wizard
And I know where Californian drivers come from.
Filed under Poems
English Joke Because I Have To Get Up At 5:00 Tomorrow
Joe said “I have will gone to the pier.”
Bo said “It just got two tense in here.”
Filed under Poems
New Year, New Ads
A week ago every TV ad
Showed deals on toys and tech.
Now the ads show deals
On food and weight loss. What the heck?
Oh, yeah! Because the year went up
It’s time to be a better you
And thanks to marketing execs
We’ll know just what to do:
Throw money at the products
That say you’ll have more time,
A slimmer waist and better feet
And less suburban crime.
You’ll save a baby elephant
If you buy our fancy knife
And thanks to free shipping (if you buy NOW)
You’ll live a better life.
I, for one, am grateful
To view these free educational shows.
Now excuse me while I lose some weight
And my magically regrows.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 