Intelligence is knowing
That Xanthan Gum’s squiggly.
Wisdom is not suggesting it
As a flavor for Wrigley.
Tag Archives: Wisdom
Heaven Is Real
This world of ours has beauty
Hidden where you’d least expect.
There’s a chance for redemption
In every life that ends up wrecked.
In every gray face on the corner,
In every drop the clouds can cry,
There’s a way for you to heal
If you only choose to try.
So when the sun stops shining
Take comfort in the shade.
The beauty in the pink of dawn
Is equal to when day fades.
Eagles think they’re falling
When they first learn how to fly.
Love is all around us,
Not just in some beholders eye.
The world has many faces.
Close your eyes, the faces stay.
Whatever you think of the world
It doesn’t change its way.
Regardless of what you may believe
The truth is always true.
If you don’t believe in Heaven,
Heaven still believes in you.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, Just Don’t! It Takes A Certain Charisma And/Or Unusual Size
Why must titans always clash?
Why can’t they just get along?
Titans could have tea and cake.
What about that is so wrong?
Why must titans always fight?
There’s other things for them to do
Like fly a pretty titan kite,
Play titan games, or make a stew.
If you’re a titan reading this
En route to your next clashing spot
Please know that you are not defined
By your ability to crush a big robot.
And if you’re a non-titan bloke
Just casually reading ’cause you’re bored
Don’t try to unclash titans too
‘Cause most likely you’ll just be ignored.
Filed under Poems
My Religious Beliefs
“Chickens don’t believe in God
“So chickens go to Hell.”
That’s what Grandma told me
And so far it’s served me well.
Filed under Poems
Life
Life is an event
That happens to us all.
Some lives end in greatness
While others are extras
In a George Lucas story.
As for me…
I’m a rebel poet,
The greatest George Lucas extra
Who ever got too tired to rhyme.
You only get one life to take for granted;
Don’t waste the opportunity.
Filed under Poems
My New Motto
If at first you don’t succeed,
LOL! Sucks to be you!
If at first I don’t succeed,
You’re dreaming. I’m perfect. All this is true.
Filed under Poems
The Werewife
‘Twas a full moon
And the night-things were howling.
I was iff on my own
‘Cause my girlfriend was scowling.
She’s usually laid back,
Accepting, and kind
But once every month
She goes out if her mind.
She nags and she whimpers.
She speaks only commands.
Her heart freezes over
And she speaks with her hands.
I’ve put the time on my calendar;
I am no fool.
When the werewife awakens
It’s time to leave and play pool.
Filed under Poems
The Phases Of Enlightenment
When you are but a babe
Bursting forth from mother’s loins
You know nothing about the world,
Nor, in fact, about Des Moines.
But as you grow, you learn
That, for instance, Dad’s a plumber.
You grow forever wiser
While at the same time, dumber.
You learn at one, for instance
That your body must stay clean
And when you’re put in the sink
They’re not doing it to be mean.
At the age of six or seven
You move on from baths to showers,
But you take them very quickly,
Unlike teens, who go for hours.
And sometime around age 20
You maybe fall in love,
And find new uses for the shower
As well as for that rubber glove.
And maybe when you’re 40
Amidst your midlife lull
You realize the shower
Is a gender-neutral urinal.
And by the time you’re eighty
And, in the shower, you have to sit
You wonder if that urinal thing
Also goes for…
And there you are in a nursing home.
Your mind has gone for good.
Thus endeth your enlightenment,
Or so we knock on wood.
The Daily Travesty 