Remember the days when you thought
Whether you’d be successful or not
Was dependent on if you were right
About whether it’s stalagmite or stalactite?
Category Archives: Poems
I Promise To Make Other People Swear To Tell The Truth…
Doctors take the Hippocratic oath;
That’s what my teacher said.
On the test I wrote “Hypocritical oath”
But that’s what lawyers take instead.
Filed under Poems
No Comment On The Cutty Things
Look at the stone, all majestic and gray;
It makes mountains strong and foundations stay.
Stone can be gems or statues or a castle
And if you think paper beats them, then you are an assh’le.
Filed under Poems
No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?
Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
Yeah… When Poets Get Jobs They Write Crap Like This #FundTheArts 🥳
Once upon an evening time
My mind could only find one rhyme,
So off I went with weariness
To sleep, and so should you.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Will Never Age
There once was a televised speech
Made by a corrupt human leech.
He said lots of stuff
But not nearly enough
To justify gross overreach.
Filed under Poems
What Every Man Wishes He Could Say To The Woman He Loves
I hope you sleep well dear,
All warm in your bed
With the stars softly kissing
The back of your head,
And the darkness and quiet
And peace coalesce
To relieve you of burdens
And release you from stress.
I hope you are carried
By angels of dreams
To a land of soft mountains
And limerent streams
So that when you awaken
Refreshed and renewed
You’ll finally cook me
Some half decent food!
Filed under Poems
And What Did They Say About Dinero?
And herbivore eats herbs
And a carnivore eats meat
And an omnivore eats everything
Which I think’s really neat.
I don’t have a lot of money
And traveling in Spain was I
And somebody said “Por favor”
And now I’m just waiting to die.
Filed under Poems
Poke Holes In This Strategy If You Can
I think all the world’s problems
Could be solved in a day if we
Just banded together to kill politicians
Whose surnames don’t end with “qz”.
Filed under Poems
Take A Day Off Y’all
There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who was, by coincidence, lucky.
Nowhere in his brain
Did he care about Ukraine.
Be like him, and enjoy this cute ducky:
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 