If you’re on the corporate ladder
And you want to climb a rung
I suggest not being the guy
Who suggested the spelling of “Tongue”
Category Archives: Poems
No One Beats America… Even America
Some say we need to make America
A strong, resilient nation again.
To those people I would ask
To name exactly when
Our country, whose brave leaders
Are vegetables and crooks,
Whose best and brightest students
Struggle reading chapter books,
Whose economy is imaginary
And whose borders are nonexistent
And is still full of opportunity
Stopped being so resilient?
Filed under Poems
Folie A Deux
There was a movie about mental illness
That everyone actually liked
And, because of it, interest
In DC movies spiked.
Why not make a sequel
That’s a musical joke
And make it a franchise
And also all woke?
Filed under Poems
Two Birds, One Stone, Bipartisan Support?
Some say energy should be solar.
Some say nuclear is the way.
How much electricity does burning sex offenders produce?
Just a thought… but affordable, eh?
Filed under Poems
Who Need Theology When You Have Temporal Paradoxes?
Nobody with a time machine killed Hitler
And nobody stopped the Spanish Inquisition
And single-player games require the internet
Which puts us in an interesting position:
Do we accept that no one will ever make
A machine that can travel back in time
Or do we think time travelers are stopping even worse stuff
And accept that maybe everything’s fine?
Filed under Poems
My Daily Contribution To Nonviolent Language
I think rehabilitated homeless people
Should be called “Ikean Americans”
Because they used to live in boxes
But now they’re all put together
Just sayin’
Filed under Poems
The Win Streak Will Be ‘Roit Back After These Messages
There once were the Seahawks on Monday
And we hoped it would end a fun day,
But the offense was off
And perfect was Goff…
At least it’s the Giants on Sunday!
Filed under Poems
Games, Then And Now
Games Now
So each of you has a unique lord
That determines if you place your board
At the forest’s edge or river’s ford
Before you fight the endless hoard.
On your turn, you have three actions
To influence the seven factions
Through use of normal or dire impactions…
Oops! Here’s the glossary of contractions.
So, then, after the action phase
You choose which players fold or raise
And the loser of the wager pays
To choose which opponent the goblin slays.
Repeat like this for three more rounds
Until the hoard no longer abounds
At which point we imitate the sounds
Of the wyverns fleeing from the grounds.
The winner is the player who’s
Captured the most opponent’s clues
Without revealing their unique ruse
And after paying union dues.
Games Then
So you roll a pair of dice
And you move that many squares
And you pay each other money
Until no one really cares.
Filed under Poems
2054: After Gen Alpha Parents Decided That Names With Letters Are Racist…
A # walked into a bar
Where an ! and a & are.
They met up with $
And the bartender hollered
“We don’t tolerate that $&#! here.”
Filed under Poems
To All Of The Unsuccessful Influencers
If you ever feel like a failure
Know that someone made a living
From that video of Grandpa
Getting drunk that one Thanksgiving
But your video of falling
Off a bridge ain’t got no views…
So yeah, you fail at failing,
But isn’t that good news?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 