If you go to prison
It’d probably be lame
If your parents gave you
A come-hither name
‘Cause if your name’s “Maggie”
Or “Dropped Le’Soap AndI’m Gay”
You’re probably in trouble.
That’s why you’re named “Flay.”
Tag Archives: Bad
Three Stupid Little Poems That You May Or May Not Enjoy
“Tough Stough”
They’re was once a person
Who said that life is though.
I think life was thougher for him
Because he was dumb, yo.
——————————————————–
“Follow Your Dreams”
It’s hard being a teenage mom.
I’m really not a fan,
But I think I have it harder
Given I’m a middle-aged man.
——————————————————–
“Find Yourself”
Iodine fluorine
Yttrium ununoctium
Calcium nitrogen
Rhenium astatine
Thorium iodine sulfur
Yttrium ununoctium
Argon rhenium
Uranium neodysium erbium
Tungsten oxygen krypton dysprosium oxygen
Filed under Poems
Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!
When one says “I must be dreaming”
(Implying you’re something they snoozed)
You should slap them with a chicken
Just to make them more confused.
An alligator also works
But they’re tougher to hide.
Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic
I find it’s best to stay inside.
Filed under Poems
Two Keys To A Happy Mind
When you think about anything
It becomes weird,
Like why can’t tigers
Grow a beard,
Why would someone join
An introverts group,
And who first thought
“He’s a nincompoop?”
And eventually you will find
The answers are one of these
“Probably reasons I don’t get”
Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”
Filed under Poems
…Or Is It An Untapped Business Opportunity?
If you are an amputee
Does your erotic preference change
To match your physicality,
Or is my asking that just strange?
The reason that I ask
Is that I want to get
The web domain StumpHump.com…
Is that something I may regret?
Filed under Poems
Perhaps The Most Elaborate Pun Yet…
I want a sci-fi movie
With a lisping protagonist
Who steals bladed weapons
From a man who reshaped a board.
The reason why is simply
I want them to beat the antagonist
Not with a light saber
But with a lather’s sword.
Filed under Poems
Hauling You
I said your boyfriend’s got
A hell of an ass.
You said he’s an amputee.
I said I meant
The ass on his arm.
Now you aren’t friends with me.
Filed under Poems
Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)
Some Americans on food stamps
Are demanding food for pets,
‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”
I say cut the stamps
And let Lady eat the tramps…
Save money and kill two birds with one stone!
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!
If feminism means “go women”
And humanism means “people are good”
Then racism means “yay fast people,”
Or at least it should.
Filed under Poems
Sounds From The Palace
Close your eyes and hear the rain,
Which sounds like water, wet and plain.
It sounds a bit like falling tears
But bigger and much less salty.
Some hear it on metal roofs fall,
Like little elves playing basketball.
Some hear it on a rubber tarp,
Which, let’s be honest, probably sucks.
Some hear it on roofs of wood.
Better than a tarp, but still not good.
But to me it sounds like my laughter
At a bunch of damp blind people.
Now you probably feel dumb
For closing your eyes
And listening to freaking water!
Lol… peasants.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 