There once was a serpent, who hissed
“Hey woman, don’t you feel pissed?
“Here’s some fruit; have a bite!”
And the girl said, “Alright”
And now the world’s all like… well, this!
Tag Archives: Cynical
Why Modern Poets Are Thin
A poem without rhyming’s
Like a cheeseburger without cheese,
A BLT with no tomato,
A bowl of carrots without peas.
A poem without rhyming
Lacks flavor and synergy
But alas I’m on a diet
And must cut whatever calories I can…
Filed under Poems
I Promise To Make Other People Swear To Tell The Truth…
Doctors take the Hippocratic oath;
That’s what my teacher said.
On the test I wrote “Hypocritical oath”
But that’s what lawyers take instead.
Filed under Poems
No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?
Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
What Every Man Wishes He Could Say To The Woman He Loves
I hope you sleep well dear,
All warm in your bed
With the stars softly kissing
The back of your head,
And the darkness and quiet
And peace coalesce
To relieve you of burdens
And release you from stress.
I hope you are carried
By angels of dreams
To a land of soft mountains
And limerent streams
So that when you awaken
Refreshed and renewed
You’ll finally cook me
Some half decent food!
Filed under Poems
What Do We Want? Catchy Slogan! Where Do We Want Them? On Premium Cardstock!
As people protest from the East to the West
Why aren’t more onlookers suspicious
Of the motives behind the folks who sell signs?
(Or is thinking such things inauspicious?)
Filed under Poems
Ode To Retiring At 65
I got through a day that was difficult
Like climbing the face of a hill
By sacrificing the strength if my body
And exercising my will.
Long are the days that I labor
But worthy are arduous climbs,
Or so I thought ‘til I realized
I have to do this 11,000 more times…
Filed under Poems
And I, For One, Think It’s Great*
There once was a fascist ideal
That stirred up political zeal.
It showed only news
Which supported its views
Then mandated we see its appeal.
*They have my family… help!
Filed under Poems
A Romantic Holiday Indeed
Today’s a day we celebrate
The people with whom we mate
Buy buying chocolates that are nice
Because they cost double the price.
Then we go to crowded rooms
Filled with too many perfumes
And tip the waitresses a lot
‘Cause we know they’re single and also hot
And then we go back to our homes
And read our lovely ladies poems,
We do this, or else we fear
That we won’t get laid again this year.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Has An Unsatisfying Finish, Just Like GoFundMe
Today we gather to commemorate
A platform that we grew to hate,
Whose motto is “Give us a buck
“And we’ll distribute it to whoever the”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 