I like girls who are polite
And women who are modest.
I like girls with joie de vivre
Although they’re not the hottest.
I like girls who demonstrate
A sense of generosity
Yet girls I meet prefer to flaunt
Their callipygiosity.
Tag Archives: Dating
My Dating Algorithm (1-10)
To find a man’s value
Divide his income by 10,000
Then subtract two to compensate.
To find a woman’s value
Call her a ten
(If she has a penis, call her an eight).
Filed under Poems
This Problem Doesn’t Happen For Board Game Dates
I asked her out to eat with me
At Chez Insertnamehere.
It was a place with candlelight
And very expensive beer.
After our romantic dinner
Conversation hit a lull.
She said “Let’s have dinner again,”
But, alas, I was already full.
Filed under Poems
When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”
After the date, I told her
“I want to see you
“As often as I see
“Google search, page 2”
A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor
She offered me a sandwich
And I said “Thank you dear.”
She sighed and asked “What would you do
“If I were to disappear?”
I said “I’d eat steak every day
“And be left with much more money.”
She scowled, so I bought her jewelry
And now she thinks I’m funny.
Filed under Poems
A Male Perspective
Your presence is like ice cream
Eaten with a wooden spoon
While a puppy sits upon my lap
Some Sunday afternoon.
Your voice is like a raindrop
After seven years of drought.
I’m acting like a macho dude
For fear that you’ll find out.
Filed under Poems
Not Based On A True Story At All…
Here I am and in my prime,
No need for fear, no lack of time,
My IQ’s high, my flaws are few,
But there’s one foe I’ve yet to slew.
Somehow I feel my knees go weak
If, to a stranger, I must speak.
I can solve equations in my head
But not control the sense of dread
That spreads from pate to waist to toes
When I must speak to Jane or Rose.
I know Shakespeare, Austen, Keats,
But not wherefore my heart so beats.
Perhaps I’ve read too many tomes
To mix with non-y-chromosomes?
Filed under Poems
False-Rape Culture
The marriage rate is going down
And many tears are falling.
The good men left and left behind
Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.
Men no longer mentor
Any women that they pay
Because they fear the power
Of what said women might say
And smart men will no longer talk
To strangers in a skirt
‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away
From sleeping in the dirt.
Cats think that this circumstance
Is surely heavensent:
They live with 30-something women
Whose exes pay the rent.
Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves
From fighters into monks
And leave the chasing women
To the inner-city punks.
The West now walks on eggshells.
There is no doubt about it:
The feminists have made their beds
And now they lie about it.
Filed under Poems
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
I brought a dozen roses,
A diamond, and a kitten
To serenade by starlight
The lass with whom I’m smitten.
I sang “Every Breath You Take”
To my very special girl.
Then she locked me in her laser sights
And sang me “Goodbye Earl.”
Filed under Poems
Oops! I meant “Perfunctory.” Wait, No…
“Pusillanimous”
Was how I described my date.
I did not get laid.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 