I found an amazing solution
To everything that’s ever been bad,
A panacea that renders meaningless
Every problem that I’ve ever had.
This solution is what we call “apathy,”
And it means that you don’t give a shit.
It’s an amazing, awesome, and wonderful thing
Even though I haven’t mastered it.
Filed under Poems
Marjorie Jean was a mysterious queen
Who brought me to a miniature land
Where pain and fear did disappear
But not a bit was bland.
She took me out on a walkabout
For a sandwich of significant size
Then we’d settle in as the games begin
Until the evening had sealed our eyes.
But the morning sun said “you’re not done”
And two cats were fondled and fed
Before M and I walked with Mr. Blue Sky
To the land where the sharks go to bed.
A party of two then suddenly grew
And so did the Marjories double.
This new, larger band celebrated as planned
With all of the expected trouble.
And so fed, I turned with my face and neck burned,
And sped off in a car doused in Axe.
One day I’ll be seen back with Marjorie Jean,
And until that day two hearts relax.
Filed under Poems
Nine years ago, a bright young lad
With a twinkle in his eyes
Began a grand adventure
(Which, in hindsight, wasn’t wise),
His goal to publish poetry,
Of dubious merit at best
And to do so unfailingly
Without a day of rest.
More or less that happened,
And here we stand today,
With me patting myself on the back
And you mumbling “okaaaaay?”
Thank you for continuing
To read the swill I write.
Let jollity malinger…
And with that I say good night!
Filed under Poems
If you call yourself a poet
You’re judged by your degrees,
The person who you voted for,
How often you hug trees,
Whether you can rhyme things
Or use semicolons right
And, most important, whether
You have a penis or are white.
I am not a poet,
Though to you that’s no surprise.
I’d rather sleep in Saturday
Than watch the sun arise.
I do not care for wheelbarrows
On which so much depends.
I’m one of the mere commoners
Whom nobody defends.
I write, not for an audience,
But for the ones like me
Who want to dance the rain away
And feel completely free
But have to read a book about
What things are right to say,
Waiting to dance in private
Once the poets go away.
I feel like a geode,
Full of color, trapped in stone,
But thanks to anonymity
I needn’t be alone.
I can be with all of you
And hold you in my heart
By failing to see beauty
In what poets call their art.
Filed under Poems
I’m not afraid to make it known
I want this more than you.
I want to find a partner
Who is loyal, kind, and true.
I only want to have one talk,
A talk that never ends,
And to be more than lovers:
To be two forever friends.
I want you to have my kids,
To raise, protect, and feed.
I want to be your every want
And fill your every need.
I want to text you memes at night,
House hunt with you on Zillow,
And when we are a world apart
To smell you on my pillow.
Tonight and every night from now
I’ll wish upon a star
And ask whatever gods may be
To show me who you are.
Until the stars or gods or fate
Fulfill this wish of mine
I’ll work to be the man you want
To call “Forever Mine.”
Somewhere near you
There’s a puppy in a blanket,
A warm spot of sunlight,
A bright blooming flower.
You may never see them,
But still you are blessed
Because to look for them
Is your special power.
Filed under Poems
When the day is over
And the lights go dark
You pull me on top of you
And let me be soft,
Let me keep you warm
Until blindness is comfortable
And dreams are safe.
When the monsters come
To feed on your sweet dreams
Through the leg you left uncovered
I offer my dream instead,
Because your dreams are precious,
Your dreams are limited,
Your dreams are fragile.
I only have one dream:
To keep you warm,
To keep you safe,
To never leave you,
And no monster can stomach that.
And when the light in the sky
And the light on your ceiling
Edge away the darkness
And welcome you back to life
I’m the first thing you feel,
The first gentle touch,
The first good morning kiss.
You think you’ll outgrow me.
You’ll pack me away
Or send me to another child,
But I only have one baby.
And when the monsters grow up
And they come for your dreams
But you’re awake and alone
You will never be uncovered.
The monsters never give up,
But I never stop dreaming,
And I hope you don’t either.
I’m here in everything.
I’m keeping you safe,
But you’ll never see me
As anything more than a blanket
Because it’s easy to believe in a blanket.
Filed under Poems
You were the light of their life,
A celestial body just for them,
But there were a billion stars
Brighter than you.
Your heart was a mountain,
Climbing to the sky,
But roads need gravel
And miners need jobs.
You were the wind and the water,
The rabbit and the fox,
The fish and the hook
And you fed them for a day.
Stars burn out,
Roads are passed by,
Winds stop blowing,
Foxes stop chasing,
And when its dark and still
And you forget what you were,
How you burned and grew
And bit and blew,
You’ll become a part of the world
You thought you were above;
A spark, a stone, a cell, a drop,
What you always were
And always did:
Matter.
Filed under Poems
Somebody is hurting now,
Hungry and alone.
Somebody is lonely
And addicted to a phone.
Somebody is nervous
Thinking they may be too small.
Somebody feels nothing
‘Cause they just don’t care at all.
Somebody is angry
At the world for being there.
Somebody is drowning,
Wanting nothing more than air.
Somebody’s forgotten
How to laugh and sing and dance.
Meanwhile, I am nobody
And grateful for the chance.
Filed under Poems
When a child is chosen
To come down from Heaven
They’re given a choice
From between one and seven
On how hard a challenge
They want life to be.
Here’s a few quick examples
For you now, from me:
One is a plant
In a jungle somewhere
Far away from the humans
With lots of clean air.
A two is a puppy
In a rich white guy’s home
With unlimited treats
And a whole yard to roam.
A three’s like a two
Until that fateful day
When you start as a “he”
And the vet makes you “they.”
A four is a human
Who lives all their days
With a big happy family
And an annual raise.
At five you have troubles
Like sickness or fear
And just 500 likes
On that pic of your rear.
At six life can seem
Like an old country song,
But you can take comfort
That it won’t last too long.
And seven’s just you
In a hospital bed
With a Taylor Swift song
Ever stuck in your head.
I hope that this helps you
Decide your next fate.
I know that, before life,
A lot’s on your plate.
No matter your choice though
You’ll probably be fine
Unless you’re a poet
Who asked, “Hmm… what’s nine?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 