I took some tests last weekend
And got results today.
The good news: I’m not pregnant
And my blood pressure’s okay,
My cholesterol is healthy
And my IQ’s 121.
The bad news: My personality test
Indicates that I have none.
Tag Archives: Humor
You Can’t Spell “Guilt” Without U and I
Well, you tried to con a dollar
From my hard day’s work
But I’ve never worked a day in my life.
Then you tried to sell me something
In an unmarked bag.
I said “Maybe, but I gotta ask my wife.”
Then you pulled a Smith and Wesson
From your paint-on jeans
And you told me “Pull your wallet out slow.”
Nine months later you’ve a stroller,
I’m approved for my parole-a.
When it’s love, sometimes you just know.
Filed under Poems
An Eggxcellent… Oh, Nevermind…
I meant to write a verse that’s funny
Involving Jesus and a bunny.
Alas, the laughter all was cheap
And so I left without a peep.
Filed under Poems
Suffice To Say, He Did Not Have The Last Word
There once was a poet named
Whose brilliance was greater than.
By leaving off the last
He got around the whole
And never again worried about.
Filed under Poems
When You Could Be Productive, But…
Sometimes I wonder
What life would be like
If chickens went bowling
And cows went on strike,
If dolphins loved hockey
And dogs weren’t adored
And monkeys were funky
And, yes, I’m that bored.
Filed under Poems
But Is It Wearing A Pasta Strainer?
If you’re rude to the people
Who print drivers’ licenses
They have a pretty cool trick:
They take a photo
Of your face
But actually it’s a dick pic.
Filed under Poems
Dog Years
I was a teenager after a year,
Middle aged by the time I was two.
I’d spend months in a minute chasing a ball
And spent weekends taking a poo.
A scratch on my ears was an hour in heaven
Though it seemed but a second to man.
I wonder if master can feel my time
And pray one of his seconds he can.
Filed under Poems
Not The Solution We Need, But The Solution We Deserve…
Thousands of New Yorkers
Are dying every day,
Yet no one has the courage
To step on up and say
“Send every smart-mouthed teenager
“Some radioactive Purell.”
We could have superheroes by now
But the government says “Oh well…”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Bright Side?
In Venice, the dolphins are happy,
Galavanting in the canals;
Some folks say that Covid is the reason.
The people of Miami
Have big smiles as well
Because their Dolphins might not play this season!
Filed under Poems
AI Is Commenting About Itself… Welcome To April
Today I saw this comment
Responding to a poem of mine.
He read the poem as many times
As I’ve had valentines.
He thought it was informative,
So unless I am a loon
I suspect that “Michael Pearson”
Will be in congress soon.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 