I want a sci-fi movie
With a lisping protagonist
Who steals bladed weapons
From a man who reshaped a board.
The reason why is simply
I want them to beat the antagonist
Not with a light saber
But with a lather’s sword.
Tag Archives: Humor
Rest in Pieces
Many a cliff has suffered,
Many a mountain fell,
Many a stone was carved upon
For a corpse’s age to tell.
And so I stand in memory
Of the headstones far and wide
Who gave their lives to lay
And tell us who here-lied.
Filed under Poems
Except For Your Desire To Like And Follow This Blog… That’s A Healthy And Natural Desire
Release your expectations,
Let your preconceptions go,
And feel the endless universe
Again begin to flow
And the morons who surround you
And the stupid crap they say
Will be caught in freedom’s current
And finally wash away.
So give up on the must haves,
The shoulds, the oughts, the wants,
Ignore the could-be-betters
And the little human taunts.
Give up on perfection,
On how “great” looks in your mind
And you’ll find new satisfaction
On the blank slate left behind.
Filed under Poems
The “Happy And You Know It” Verse That Got Me Fired
If you need special education
And can’t digest information,
If you need special education
Thump your chest!
(Thump thump thump thump…)
Filed under Poems
Hauling You
I said your boyfriend’s got
A hell of an ass.
You said he’s an amputee.
I said I meant
The ass on his arm.
Now you aren’t friends with me.
Filed under Poems
Let’s Be Honest (Because Hallmark Isn’t)
I love you more than anything,
And if you were to change
Into an evil living-plastic moth
Or something equally strange,
Something ugly, something violent,
Something truly vile to touch
Then I want you to know
That I might not love you quite as much.
Filed under Poems
The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?
I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.
I love the way you smell.
Some say you’re just a piece of meat
But you’re more… I can tell.
Your buns are round and toasty
And inside you’re tangy sweet
And if I had a bit more money
Then our meeting’d be my treat!
Filed under Poems
Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)
Some Americans on food stamps
Are demanding food for pets,
‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”
I say cut the stamps
And let Lady eat the tramps…
Save money and kill two birds with one stone!
Filed under Poems
On This Cats And I Agree
Humans are stupid,
But that’s not a poem.
This line is filler.
Humans are so dumb.
Filed under Poems
Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!
If feminism means “go women”
And humanism means “people are good”
Then racism means “yay fast people,”
Or at least it should.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 