Tag Archives: Life

A Poem For My Wife On The Occasion Of A Duty To Her Peers

‘Twas the day of jury duty

And through the courthouse

Most groups were still waiting

(They’d just called in “mouse”).

The judges were hoping

For non-psycho jurors

While my wife was pining

For sofas and purrers.

One hundred dollars

Awaited those selected

To sit in the waiting room,

Tired and dejected,

But some of those gathered

Would be chosen to act

As one of a dozen

Who would justice enact.

The thrill of deciding

A dumb person’s fate

Might be tempting for some,

But not to my mate.

She wanted to go

To her job or her house,

Not to wait for a call

For “Octopus”. (Nope, still “mouse”).

And then, with a flash

And a low-level clatter

A sentry emerged

And did hush all their chatter.

“I’ve news for you all”

The page said to the bunch.

“We don’t need you right now.

“Take an hour for lunch.”

And so wifey departed

In search of a bite

With an intrusive thought

That she’d be here all night…

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The Herald Can Hark On December 11th

The tree is up

The lights are hung

The gifts are wrapped

And stockings strung

The mistle’s toed

Now all I seek

Is to delay the music

For one more week.

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Those Golden Years…

So a hundred thousand novels

Get published every year

But we still go back and read

“Tom Sawyer” and “King Lear”.

We’ve made games in 3D space

So lifelike it’s surreal

But we still enjoy our Tetris

And that hungry yellow wheel.

We have so many robots

That they’re not even that cool

And we had an entire year

Of watching videos at school

But yet we yearn to venture back

Into a simpler day

Where nobody would cancel us

If we said “Bro, that’s gay.”

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Winter Flashbacks

Did you know that firewood,

While primarily used to burn,

Can also be used to make children sad?

Now you do! Live and learn!

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Do I Get A Silver Medal?

I thought ahead this Wednesday

And wrote before bed this Wednesday,

But alas lacked the foresight

To give myself more night

To think of a good rhyme for “Wednesday”.

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All According To Plan…

I forgot to write tonight

So I type as I brush my teeth.

If I don’t finish quickly

There’s no telling what

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Yuletide Reflections

I was looking for a winter poem

That I’d already written.

I looked back through my archives

And read rhymes old me was spittin’.

Apparently I’m cynical

And full of twists and turns

And wrote more words like “Dumbass”

Than “yuletides” or “yearns”.

This Winter I’ll aspire

To be merrier than that,

But Winter’s in December

So for now yo mama’s fat.

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When The Kamala Voters Go On a “Sex Strike”

The Donald got elected

And that makes me so depressed

‘Cause now I can’t go out at night

Wearing my Sunday best

To hit on green-haired feminists

Who think that I am Satan.

Oh well, I have my freedom

And more time for masturbatin’.

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If At First You Don’t Succeed…

There twice was an unlikeable chick

Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.

She lost to a man

With a very fake tan

And I’m not opposed to the schtick.

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Privilege

To be born at disadvantage

Is a blessing many lack,

For the many born with health or wealth

Will each forever lack

The chance to earn their happiness

Through overcoming trials.

They’ll only know resenment

In their peers’ flattering smiles.

But those who overcome their birth

Achieve both admiration

And strength of will and character

From their determination.

Why would you trade your only chance

At your heroic rise

For merely money undeserved

From people you despise?

Why not become the person

Who you worshipped as a child?

If you reject the spice of life

Your pleasures will be mild.

Instead of playing victim

In your one and only shot

Recast yourself as victor

And pursue the life you’ve got.

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