Remember when the movies
Had awesome robot pals
Like R2, Gort, the Terminator,
Bender, Ultron, and Hal?
Remember how these robots
All were murderous piles of chrome?
And now I ask: why would you want
A robot in your home?
Tag Archives: Life
Running In The Family?
Would it be awful
If I ate a waffle
Instead of nutrition for dinner?
Not so, my lad!
No, a waffle ain’t bad
But you’ll have to work hard to get thinner.
Would it be ok
If I sat for a day
And watched TV and ate cheese?
Sure, sloth is fun
If you go for a run
To make sure you don’t get obese.
Thanks dad. You’re wise!
I guess me and the guys
Will eat waffles and cheese and relax,
Then we’ll go for a run
When the vegging is done
So our bellies don’t spill from our slacks!
Hey son, I see
Your weight starts with a three
And is neither four digits nor two.
Yeah dad, turns out
Running didn’t work out
But at least now I look more like you!
Filed under Poems
Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving
You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
An Introverted Friend Indeed…
Motivation is a friend
Who sets an inspiring tone
And would be a mighty ally
If they’d just pick up their phone…
Filed under Poems
Labor Day
Happy Monday everyone!
Take a day off! Have some fun!
This is your chance to relax and be free
By sitting for hours and watching TV!
Filed under Poems
Chck/Kchck
My pronouns are just
The sound of a pump shotgun
Loading one more shell
Filed under Poems
You Never Know What You’re Gonna Get
They say life is like a box of chocolates
But I think it’s more like a Chinese buffet:
You get to eat as much as you can manage
But if it’s chicken or a puppy, who can say?
Filed under Poems
The Great Reset
Sometime in 1988
We finished the political game
And now we’re playing as the final boss
And discovering the devs made him lame.
I move we return to the menu
And delete our saved data, restarting
At the level where we’re naked cave people
And we elect leaders by farting.
Filed under Poems
Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now
For a few months my iPhone
Had eight hours of life between charges,
Then the next model released
And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.
Oh, an update to iOS x+1?
That sounds like an important step.
Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?
Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.
“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.
“You can upgrade today for free.
“You’ll just change your phone number
“And sign here in blood
“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”
And so, in a rage, I go shopping
For whatever Android people buy,
Then I remember how all my app data
Only works if my phone has an “i”
And I slink to my room where my charger
Sits happily waiting to go.
I’ll repeat this emotional process
Every year for a lifetime or so.
Filed under Poems
Almost Heaven, West Virginia?
There was an affordable city
That wasn’t all dirty and shitty.
Then it made the news
And earned plenty of views
And Californians are coming… a pity!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 