I saw a gal I thought was cute
So I asked her thoughts on pitted fruit.
She said she thought plums were great
So I asked “How ’bout a date?”
Tag Archives: Love
Just A Century Ago
In the year 1918
Amidst a world we’ve never seen
The fighters of the first world war
Showed what God made our hearts for.
Among the trenches, wet and cold
A German soldier was so bold
As to sing, rather than fight,
A verse or two of “Silent Night.”
As dawn turned from gray to blue
One soldiers voice soon became two
And before the song was done
Two armies voices soon were one
And bayonets with white flags rose
And enemies came nose to nose
To swap greetings and cigarettes:
One Christmas morning, no regrets.
Whether trenches or safe spaces,
Between all people and all races
Lives a love that’s oft denied
That no longer should we hide.
If for a day or for a year
We sing of peace so foes can hear
Then whether brown or beige or black
We may just hear our foes sing back.
Filed under Poems
Aphrodite’s Mom-of-the-Year Award
I didn’t put my firearms
In a baby-proof safe. I’m not stupid!
I just wanted to give the world
A much more dangerous cupid.
Filed under Poems
Pollination in NPC-Ville
I walk in the white flower garden,
One block of peace
In a mountain of steel,
Glass, smoke, and grease.
The flowers have tattooed
Their white petals brown,
Exposed their stems
For a night on the town.
They speak of old flowers
Who once shared their bed,
How far their particular
Pollen has spread.
You can watch how they wilt
While they boast that they thrive
And you wonder why bees
Opt to stay in the hive.
Filed under Poems
Hi Debbie!
If you were a prescription drug
I’d call you Trilambdakrip
Because the word is meaningless
Just like our relationship.
Filed under Poems
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
I brought a dozen roses,
A diamond, and a kitten
To serenade by starlight
The lass with whom I’m smitten.
I sang “Every Breath You Take”
To my very special girl.
Then she locked me in her laser sights
And sang me “Goodbye Earl.”
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!
A minute with me
Is an hour in Heaven,
But no woman will know
‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
In Case You’d Forgotten
Back in the Western USA
In 1800 somethin’
A couple cowboys realized
Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.
The cowboys had been life long friends
And though they both were male
They rode to Brokeback Mountain
And they gave up on the trail.
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
We used to have some cowboys
To protect our town from raids,
But now we have to check
Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!
They use to be quick to the draw
But now they have more fun
With the sheathing than the drawing
Of their aforementioned gun!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
One cowboy found his saddle’s
Grown less comfortable with time. He
Found this was the case
Unless their romance they would stymie.
But the cowboys needed horses
Like they found they needed lasses
And they replaced their ponies
With one another’s (whoaaa!)
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
Yodel
Oodle
Yodel
Adel
Odel
Soooooooo…
Doooooooo…
Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Bad Romance
I love you
Like Japan loves tentacles,
Like psychos love murder
And goth teens love pentacles.
I love you
Like Chris Pratt loves his raptors
And people with Stockholm
Syndrome love their captors.
I love you
Like a farmer loves cattle,
Like that one guy you know
Loves leather and a paddle.
I love you
Like Tarantino loves gore
And it’s for these reasons
I can’t see you no more.
Filed under Poems
If “The Red Wheelbarrow” Is Good, Why Isn’t This?
Her love made me warm and fuzzy
Like a bit of french cheese
Left in a sauna over the weekend
But, alas, she had fleas.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 