Tag Archives: Men

What’s Your Type?

Some men like big butts

And some like them small;

Some like short women

And some like them tall.

Some men like long hair

And some men like bald;

Some guys love feet pics

And some are appalled.

Some men like titties

And no men do not;

Some find legs sexy

And some find them hot.

Some men like fat girls

And some like them slim;

Some guys like all these

And some prefer him.

Guys are to horny

As goats are to hunger;

Some use their fingers

And some guys will tongue ‘er.

So if you’re a woman

And feel insecure

Just know if you ask him

Some guys will say “sure.”

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Masculine Serenity

Sometimes I look at my sweetheart

And my heart is warm like bread

And thoughts of love and comfy things

Run havoc in my head

And sometimes when I look at her

My heart smells like Spring rain

And an emptiness like midnight

Takes refuge in my brain.

When she sees me staring

And she asks, “What’s on your mind”

I look up from where I was staring

(FYI, that’s her behind)

And with all that warmth and wetness

My soul screams “Yes Yes Yes!”

But then my lips betray me

And I say “Uh, sports I guess?”

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What Do You Mean “Is It In?”

It started with the big floppy disc

Then they made a smaller floppy.

CDs came, then thumb drives,

And now we have the micro-SD.

I guess we can be grateful

That our storage is getting firm

But the reduction in storage size

Is making my male brain squirm…

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Aspirations

I’m a freakin’ space marine!

Half man, half god, half war machine!

I wipe out armies with my fists!

And turn alien brains into alien mists!

I’ve saved every planet from certain death!

When women see me they gasp for breath!

I’m a freakin’ space marine, you know!

What mom? Ooh, pizza? Gotta go!

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If Only My Hat Could Use Google Images…

I entered an area

Where hard hats were required.

Now I need to find a hot female hat

Or I just might get fired.

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Lycanthropyness (Other Spellings Acceptable)

I’m basically a werewolf

But instead of being transformy

When the full moon rises

I get very horny.

The other difference

Between a werewolf and my ways

Is that I’m also were-horny

The other 28 days.

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Is This My Moana Lisa?

In halcyon hours, my maiden and me

Become one with each other until

Through effort and grace we lie face to face

As nature concludeth its will.

Then I am afflicted with such a condition

Where my brain is in tune with my bowels

And for hours after I know only laughter

And I can speak only in vowels.

Or to put it another way…

Iayohouyaieae

Eoeoeieaoeui

Oueoaaeeieaeoae

Aaueoueii.

EIaaieiuaoiio

Weeyaiiiueiyowe

AohouaeIooyaue

AIaeaoyiowe.

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Is There A Saint Dick Or A Saint Mickey As Well?

I am the type of person

Who will see the pearly gates

And confess all my discretions

Where redemption thus awaits

Until forward steps St. Peter

And unto me he does declare

“I am Peter”, and I giggle

And am promptly sent “down there”.

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Why Robots Won’t Replace Men

No amount of flattery

Can restore an empty battery

But a little flirting can

Reenergize almost any man.

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Sort Of An Umbrella Poem About… Well, You Get It

Sometimes a banana is just a banana

And a tree is just a big, stiff, and girthy

And if you don’t know how torpedos fit in

Then your mind has yet to become worthy.

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