The Donald got elected
And that makes me so depressed
‘Cause now I can’t go out at night
Wearing my Sunday best
To hit on green-haired feminists
Who think that I am Satan.
Oh well, I have my freedom
And more time for masturbatin’.
Tag Archives: Men
Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving
You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
This Is How YouTube Channels Start…
I want to hire a deaf guy
To go to Olive Garden, where a
Waiter will grate a block of cheese
Onto his pasta marinara
And when the waiter asks “enough”
The deaf guy will stay quiet.
This is a lifelong dream of mine…
Know any deaf folks who would try it?
Filed under Poems
THIS! IS! ZEROPERCENTBODYFAT…IMEANSPARTA
Tonight we watched 300
(My wife and I, that is).
I learned of Leonidas
And the courage that was his
To lead a band of brothers
To their deaths love and freedom.
My wife also enjoyed the abs
And told me that I need ‘em.
Filed under Poems
What’s Your Type?
Some men like big butts
And some like them small;
Some like short women
And some like them tall.
Some men like long hair
And some men like bald;
Some guys love feet pics
And some are appalled.
Some men like titties
And no men do not;
Some find legs sexy
And some find them hot.
Some men like fat girls
And some like them slim;
Some guys like all these
And some prefer him.
Guys are to horny
As goats are to hunger;
Some use their fingers
And some guys will tongue ‘er.
So if you’re a woman
And feel insecure
Just know if you ask him
Some guys will say “sure.”
Filed under Poems
Masculine Serenity
Sometimes I look at my sweetheart
And my heart is warm like bread
And thoughts of love and comfy things
Run havoc in my head
And sometimes when I look at her
My heart smells like Spring rain
And an emptiness like midnight
Takes refuge in my brain.
When she sees me staring
And she asks, “What’s on your mind”
I look up from where I was staring
(FYI, that’s her behind)
And with all that warmth and wetness
My soul screams “Yes Yes Yes!”
But then my lips betray me
And I say “Uh, sports I guess?”
Filed under Poems
What Do You Mean “Is It In?”
It started with the big floppy disc
Then they made a smaller floppy.
CDs came, then thumb drives,
And now we have the micro-SD.
I guess we can be grateful
That our storage is getting firm
But the reduction in storage size
Is making my male brain squirm…
Filed under Poems
Aspirations
I’m a freakin’ space marine!
Half man, half god, half war machine!
I wipe out armies with my fists!
And turn alien brains into alien mists!
I’ve saved every planet from certain death!
When women see me they gasp for breath!
I’m a freakin’ space marine, you know!
What mom? Ooh, pizza? Gotta go!
Filed under Poems
If Only My Hat Could Use Google Images…
I entered an area
Where hard hats were required.
Now I need to find a hot female hat
Or I just might get fired.
Filed under Poems
Lycanthropyness (Other Spellings Acceptable)
I’m basically a werewolf
But instead of being transformy
When the full moon rises
I get very horny.
The other difference
Between a werewolf and my ways
Is that I’m also were-horny
The other 28 days.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 