Government is what happens
When you can’t share a cake
So mom and dad call the neighbor
Who takes the cake from you
And eats 90 percent of it
And gives you all a piece of celery
That doesn’t even have peanut butter
And invades Iran
Because you’re racist.
Filed under Poems
Our beloved Seahawks from Seattle
Began yet another sports battle.
They sucked for a while
But left with a smile
‘Cause the Broncos looked more like the Cattle.
Filed under Poems
Somehow we went from running
To avoid becoming a meal
To paying $50 to run
To express the way we feel.
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They’re sweet and round and yummy
And better when filled with meat.
I’ll grab a pair with both my hands,
Spread some mayo, smile, and eat.
Mix it with a pickle
(A wiener would do as well)
And you’ve got yourself an evening…
Yeah, her buns are sweet as hell!
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There once wasn’t a modern crowd
Compelled to cheer out loud
For a diversity quota,
Caring even one iota
That the princess was now unibrowed.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the night before football
And men everywhere
Were preparing their lineups
And floofing their chair.
Elsewhere in the house
Was a wife, not yet hiding,
But seeking out places
For comfy abiding,
Retreats where she’ll spend
The next 17 Sundays
Avoiding the shouts.
(Wait, they also play Mondays?)
The refs have made final
The script for the season
Including some muscles
To tear without reason.
Now all of us sigh
As we drift off to bed
Hoping this year the Chiefs
Will get bonked in the head.
Filed under Poems
Motivation is a friend
Who sets an inspiring tone
And would be a mighty ally
If they’d just pick up their phone…
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Happy Monday everyone!
Take a day off! Have some fun!
This is your chance to relax and be free
By sitting for hours and watching TV!
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If you’re ever feeling lonely
Go to the store and buy a melon
Then drive to your local prison
And give your purchase to a felon.
Criminals love melons…
Seedy fruit for seedy guys.
Also, you’re no longer lonely
And, perhaps, you may be wise.
Filed under Poems
My pronouns are just
The sound of a pump shotgun
Loading one more shell
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 