There once was a skirt from Jerusalem
That wanted to grow its vertical some.
It tried adding a shirt
But it turns out the skirt
Might have needed a dress rehearsal., hm?
Tag Archives: Poetry
Seriously Seattle?
There once was a Seattle bird team
Who fought a sports battle upstream.
Alas, the sheep rallied
While the birds dilly-dallied
And now they’re an NFL meme.
Filed under Poems
Watching The News
I, for one, am grateful
That 24 hours a day
I can turn a TV on
And learn I’m not ok
‘Cause someone in another state
Is angry and insisted
That the government fix an issue
That I didn’t know existed.
I’m glad I can be angry
On demand, and also wary
Now that I know a deadly thing
Is affirmed as “very scary”.
I’m also glad these stations
Are translated totally free
To whatever political language
Is most offensive to me!
We’re lucky seven corporations
Tell us the woes of corporate greed
While insuring that we’re well-informed
About what brand-name crap we need.
Anyway, I’m done complaining!
Now excuse me as I go
To learn about the trans kids
Swimming here from Mexico.
Filed under Poems
Pussy On The Web?
True story: I work remotely
And at my meeting today
My cat jumped up onto my lap
And looked at me, then lay
Belly-up and legs upwards
To show the world his… that
So anyway, I texted my wife
To tell her about our porno cat.
But after a good laugh
At kitty’s lack of inhibition
I said something I shouldn’t have
While Alexa sat to listen:
I made a joke about “kitty porn”
But pronounced the T’s as “D”.
Please know that’s why I disappeared
If big brother comes for me.
Filed under Poems
Three Strikes? You’re In!
I tried out for the baseball team
And struck out three times in a row.
Then I went to the bar for a bit
And struck out with somebody’s hoe.
I may not be a first baseman
Nor a lady’s man, but I won’t cry.
Sometimes the universe just has to say
“Why don’t you give bowling a try?”
Filed under Poems
Now THAT Is A Great Value
This ten minute break
Isn’t long enough to write
More than a Haiku.
But I’m not an ass!
I’ll reward you with not one
Haiku, but with two!
Filed under Poems
My New Fitness Plan
Some people think that spending
Forty bucks a month or so
For exercising at a gym
Is just the way to go.
I think that cancelling the gym
Is the same as getting paid
Forty bucks a month to not
Work out. I’ve got it made!
Filed under Poems
Hunter’s Ted Talk
Remember when we were in grade school
And the winner of every fight
Wasn’t the guy who said “I have infinity”
But “I have infinity plus one”, right?
Well yesterday my boss said “You’re fired”
And I said “No, I’m infinity fired plus one”
And now I’m on the board of directors
And also the president’s son!
Filed under Poems
On Quality Time and Intrusive Thoughts
I’m sitting in my dining room
Eating a pomegranate
While my wife paints a model horse
On this most peaceful planet.
As I bite into the sweet
And sour seeds, I mull:
Is this how happy zombies feel
When they bite that perfect skull?
Filed under Poems
Take That, Nukes!
One upside of weak, nerdy young people
Is that they’ll probably invent Mjolnir
But because they’re so weak, they can’t lift it
And thus we have nothing to fear.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 