I’ve always been an ally
To animals and butterflies,
So I wanted to play piano
For the beasts. Never did I surmise
That tickling the ivories
Would, in fact, lead to my demise.
I thought it would be cute,
But the elephant thought otherwise.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Pokemon: When A Binder Becomes A Portfolio
He wanted to be the very best
Like no one ever was.
He played the games and bought the cards.
His reasoning? “Just ’cause.”
Now he travels across the land
Rich and fancy free
Because he sold old merchandise
To folks like you and me.
It took some courage along the way
To claim his rightful place;
His base set boosters unopened still
By some amazing grace
Kept up in value as time went on.
The prices didn’t fall
Because of middle class ’90s kids
Who had to catch ’em all.
And so for all the neopets
Forgotten in the cloud,
The baseball rookies who faded out,
The fads without a crowd
There rose among them a modern god,
Electric mouse and friends
That makes you money enough to buy
The very world we must defend.
That’s why I’m buying at Toys R Us
Instead of buying stock.
Who know what franchise will soon become
The next Pokémon or pet rock?
Filed under Poems
I’m Only A Little Salty About This Guest Poem by Katrina Ivers
Because you are a chemical
You don’t wear a size nine shoe
But you are so oft-forgotten
No one knows that but you.
We all worry so darn much about
Your friend Sodium’s consumption
We think you aren’t an important part
And that’s an erroneous assumption!
Why Sodium all on her own
Is a terribly temperamental sort
Prone to explosions when meeting water
So her friend Chloride we should court.
Alas most people barely passed
Their college chemistry classes
So by ignoring Chloride, friends,
We risk the explosion of our asses.
Are you bad enough to be a guest poet? Email me your work to find out! TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems
Please Move Progressively Somewhere Else
If you don’t like the country
In which you make your home
Then see the world as options
To the places you might roam.
And if you’re in a country
You dislike but can’t depart
You are in our prayers,
In our thoughts, and in our heart.
But if you can leave your country
And insult it while you stay
Then do us all a favor
And shut up or move away.
One More Time (Anatomy Of Pop)
I met you, romantic prospect,
At a facility frequented by listeners of this genre.
It was unrealistically perfect
To look upon ya.
Then I sang about nothing!
Then I sang the same nothing!
Then the same nothing again
One more time!
I mentioned your physical appearance
But also a personal detail
To convince listeners of this genre
That you, romantic prospect, are real.
Then I sang about nothing!
Then the exact same nothing!
Then a slightly lengthened version of the same nothing
(With backup singers)
One more time!
Then I sang again about nothing!
(Because choruses, yo)
Then again about nothing!
(Because choruses bro)
One more time about nothing!
(Yay radio…)
One more time!
Fade and repeat ad infinitum…
And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Necking…
If I were a turtle
I would be more fertile.
I’d have more girl turtles to court.
Also nothing but fertile
Rhymes well with turtle
And turtles don’t care if you’re short.
Filed under Poems
Still Want Super Powers?
Super strength at tea parties,
Super speed in bed,
Shoot lasers from your eyes
Whenever you say “I thee wed,”
Flight while on an airplane,
Access to Betamax knowledge,
Or being a straight white male
But only when applying to college.
Filed under Poems
This One’s For All The First Graders (And Middle Schoolers)
There are things I’ll never knew
‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue
But since I eated it I confess
This poem’s grammars has not make sense.
Filed under Poems
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