Those who live in glass houses
Should definitely throw stones
So they can collect insurance money
And use it to buy normal homes.
Tag Archives: Short
Divorce, Basically
She liked the way he smiled
So she waited ’til he slept
Then grabbed a pair of scissors
And into his room she crept.
She scissored off his jawbone
And hung it on her wall.
Now he pays her alimony
And sees the kids once every Fall.
Filed under Poems
I’m (Almost) Too Hungry To Shamelessly Plug…
Today my only meal
Was half a can of sour grapes,
Fortified by some shampoo
And a bit of rattlesnake.
I would’ve snapped a photo
But I figure no one’d look…
This could’ve been avoided
If you’d only bought my book!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Chemistry
Blood is thicker than water.
Water is thicker than air.
Air isn’t thicker than anything
Which doesn’t seem very fair.
So chemists invented some elements
That made air feel less thin,
Thus air is thicker than helium.
So did modern science begin.
Filed under Poems
Honest Kids
I said “kinda farty,”
And mommy got mad.
That’s what her dinner tasted like.
Now I live alone with Dad.
Filed under Poems
Dr. Seuss Beware!
There was a skunk named Dink
Who didn’t stink,
Which, at least for Dink, stank.
He played at skunk school
But smelled really cool
And thus his social standing sank.
They flunked the poor skunk
And he packed up his trunk.
He greatly disliked the school’s thinking,
But he too understood
Skunks can’t be what they should
If said skunks stunk like Dink did at stinking.
Filed under Poems
Feed Me!
Hello dear readers!
I’m here to announce
A new opportunity
On which you may pounce:
My latest collection
Of poetical stuff
Is now featured on Amazon
As purchasable fluff.
The link is below
If you care to explore.
If you buy it I may
Be able to go to the store
And put food on the table
(Or just eat food in bed).
You know what to do.
Thanks to all! Thus, I’m fled.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Oh, Also I’m Sick
Sitting on a bus
Waiting to go home.
I don’t feel creative at all.
The driver is gone.
If this moment were art
It’d be the plain red stripe on a hotel wall.
Dogs are pretty.
Pretties are not always dogs.
If you thought you’d be happy
With this poem’s conclusion
Reread the first two lines.
Apparently Pearls And Swine Are Equal
A feminist told me
“All men are pigs!”
And I almost took some offense.
Then another told me
“Men and women are equal.”
Now the first woman’s making more sense.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 