I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.
I used to be known as whom all women crave.
I used to be humble, witty, and wise
But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.
Tag Archives: Silly
Why English Is Hard
How do you pronounce vapid,
Plein air, eschew, or bow?
Then when you factor in typoes
You really never now.
Filed under Poems
AI Writes A Country Song
Today I’m bored and kinda tired,
For sure not feeling too inspired,
So a thought emerged within my head:
Let robots do my job instead!
So I was nit at all upset
When a robot said “I can write a rhyming couplet.”
I said “write me a country song,”
And here’s the poem that came along:
——————————————————–
See the hightailing of the cowboy,
I think he’s angry at the ahoy.
He finds it hard to see the horse,
Overshadowed by the rainy field of force.
Who is that yodeling near the saddle?
I think she’d like to eat the cattle.
She is but a rural addition,
Admired as she sits upon a position.
Her leather car is just a beer,
It needs no gas, it runs on steer.
She’s not alone she brings a dog,
a pet dog, and lots of parts catalogue.
The dog likes to chase a truck,
Especially one that’s in the dabbling duck.
The cowboy shudders at the country gun
He want to leave but she wants the bun.
——————————————————–
The poem’s bad, and I think it’s neat
That I am not yet obsolete.
Sure, technology is fun
But robots 0, human 1.
Dear Washington…
Those who take the roles
Of conducting political polls
Should receive an MD
In proctology
For their research in helping assholes.
Filed under Poems
Gender Studies Major Seeking Employment
My IQ is 99.
My height is five-foot-three.
My GPA was 1.8
When I earned my PhD.
I’m not a total nincompoop,
Just a little slow.
If you ever need a nincompee
I’m free. Just let me know!
Filed under Poems
Storytelling, PhD Style
Once upon a time
There was a noncommittal grunt
That lurked within the throat
Of a rather stuck up… woman.
One day it emerged
And then vanished into thin air.
There’s some backstory and lore as well
But I figure you don’t care.
Filed under Poems
The NO-bel Prize
I think we need a Nobel Prize
For folks who do not stand out.
If you’ve never heard of someone
Then they would deserve this handout.
We’d make a list of everyone
Who’ve done anything in their life
Then send somebody not on that list
A small prize, like a knife.
That winner would not be informed
Of the significance of the prize,
Nor would the media or public
Of the award be told likewise.
The laureate would carry on
Not doing much at all.
I think that merits an award
But, hey, that’s just my call.
Filed under Poems
Bachelor Life
Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
A Fairy Tale Romance
I hold your hand and count to ten
On fingers, yours and mine.
I see the ring I’ll give to you
And how the gold will shine.
I see the satin dress you’ll wear,
Your lacy veil of white
And how our lives will be complete
After our wedding night.
I smell our families’ tears of joy
And hear the words we’ll say
To merge two hearts eternally
On one momentous day.
I feel the fire in my heart,
How yours must burn the same,
I ask you now to you marry me!
Oh, also, what’s your name?
Filed under Poems
Because Disney Ruins Everything
If I owned a magic candy cane
That could call thunder and rain
I’d try to die ASAP
So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 