The hills are alive
With the sound of music
And by “Sound of Music”
We mean wildfires
And by “The hills”
We mean California.
Tag Archives: Silly
When You Irradiate Your Meal For Five Minutes But Stop The Microwave With One Second Left So You Don’t Have To Hear The Beep
I put my burger in the microwave,
Turned it on, and walked away.
I heard a helicopter start
And bullets start to spray,
The Marines are hitting Normandy.
This is cooking uncontrolled!
I open the door to fetch my food
And find it nice and cold.
Filed under Poems
Pet Peeves
Sometimes when I get frustrated
I throw my mouse at the floor.
After I get frustrated
I can’t go to that vet anymore.
Filed under Poems
…They’re Batman…
I read an article today
That said a woman’s voice
Will rise in pitch if she likes you…
It’s subconscious, not a choice.
I called my female contacts
To test the theory via phones.
I enjoyed a pleasant afternoon
With the voice of James Earl Jones.
Filed under Poems
Diversity
Some folks are really heavy
And some are very thin.
Some have different genitals
And different colored skin.
There’s lots of types of accents,
Many different colored hairs
But everybody’s equal
When you push ’em down the stairs.
Filed under Poems
Evening Meditation
As the light fades to yellow
And to bright orangey-red
I summon my thoughts
About life to my head.
As red turns to green
Like autumn reversed
I think of life’s moments,
The best and the worst.
As green turns to amber
The cycle repeats
And I cherish life’s beauty,
The adventures and treats.
Then the light’s green again
And in my pensive mood
I ask “what’s with the honking
“And why are drivers so rude?”
Filed under Poems
Sue Can Empathize
I used to be a beat cop
For the city of LA,
Busting heads and taking names
And shutting crooks away.
I had a code of honor
That would supersede the law…
That was me, the sexy renegade,
The American Eagle’s claw.
But though I stood at six-foot-ten
And had zero body fat,
Had six-pack abs and a .44 mag,
A badge and all of that
I knew my name was whispered
In every darkened alley
And I still could not see why
My parents chose to name me “Sally.”
Filed under Poems
Still More Fun Than Watching Soccer
I want to play rock-paper-scissors
Where scissors beats rock, ’cause then
Everyone would always choose scissors
And it would make the game more “zen.”
Filed under Poems
Canadian Muslim Problems
In December I sat on a frozen lake
And fished for rainbow trout.
The next two months I did the same
‘Cause that’s what I’m about.
This Summer I’m vacationing
Somewhere in the Maldives.
I know there’s no ice-fishing there
But I can avoid my 28 wives.
Filed under Poems
When You Break The 11th Commandment
There once was a womxn from Berkeley
Who acted rashly and berserkly.
Zhe drove a non-hybrid car
To an all-vegan bar.
These micro-aggressions were carried out jerkily.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 