Tag Archives: Silly

Night Shift (Every Walmart Ever)

Sleepwalking,

Night stalking…

Insomnia is killing me.

Dead of night,

I feel no fright.

Just a few more hours ’til I’m free.

With empty hearts

And bulging carts

They leave my shelves so very bare.

Their hands are deep

In all that’s cheap.

At these poor beasts I stare.

All these hours

Living in a haze

Just a few more days

On the night shift.

I waste my life

Repeating strife,

Putting boxes back on the shelves.

My peers and I

Just want to cry,

Go home and be all by ourselves.

I ain’t got paid,

But I’ve quit and stayed.

Oh! How that paycheck calls…

I say I’ll walk,

But it’s all talk.

I haven’t got the balls.

All these hours

Hoping its a phase.

Counting down the days

On the night shift.

Then in an instant

I hear the TV:

“Todays winning numbers are

“7, 6, 5, 4, 3.”

Thirty-eight million dollars

Are mine! All mine! Then…

My boss yells “you’re fired

“If you doze off again.”

All these hours

And finally an excuse…

No need for such abuse…

Time to take another snooze…

On the night shift.

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems

Not Really… #YOLO

Thirty-six hours in the hospital

And $17,000 dollars later

I regret my Halloween in Florida

And bobbing for that gator…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And That Is Why Some People Shouldn’t Have Dragons…

If I get a pet dragon

(For business or for kicks)

I’ll hide it in my dungeon

And prob’ly call it Trix.

I’ll feed it little children

To give it a dragon’s fix,

But mostly for the privilege of saying

“Silly rabbit, kids are for Trix!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Agonies And TheEcstasies Of Being An Extremely Niche Web Celebrity

Nickelback called me

To let me know

They wrote a song

Inspired by my life.

Part of me feels

Honored by their intention,

But I’ll never listen to the song

Which should save me some strife.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

He Had Seven Vowels And No Courage

I played scrabble

With my chihuahua.

I played “encumbrance”

Then took a shower,

Hiked twenty miles,

Went to work, went to bed,

Then came back to find

My chihuahua had fled.

It hadn’t played letters,

And my face grew a grin.

I may’ve lost my dog

But still an overall win.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

But Not Soccer… I’m Not That Desperate

I kinda hope the NFL

Display the stubborness of men

And they keep sitting for the anthem

Because I figure then

People will start watching hockey

And I can talk about sports again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Children’s Music

For those of you who do not know

I have a sparse financial pool,

And so to make some extra bucks

I teach chess at the local school.

Now, names are hard to memorize

So sometimes we play games

To have fun, but mostly to

Help master all the names.

One such game is but a song,

Wherein the person pitched

Is sung to in a pattern

In which some letters get switched:

“Jamie jamie bo bamie,

“Bannana-fanna fo famie,

Me, my, mo mamie,

“Jamie.”

Yes, it is a silly game

But it does its job.

The problem is that you don’t want

To make the children sob

So every single child

Gets their own letter-swapping chorus

To help us learn their names

Before they play chess and ignore us.

In the old days all the Jamies,

Davids, Duncans, Kyles, and Joes

Could sing this song as easily

As “Head, shoulders, knees and toes.”

But now all the La’shamquas,

Chimeras, Flexktons, and Ka’drames

Don’t work as well with this song

(And the Aidan/Caden/Jaydensall sound  the same).

Still the worst name ever

That I’ve applied this method too

Was a little boy named Tucker

Who didn’t want to go boo-hoo

So a class of twenty children

Sang “bannana-fanna fo…”

Then sang the next line to the principal

Who then told me I had to go.

So that’s why I am hustling

With my chess board in the park.

Sometimes you end up a hero.

Sometimes Tucker makes you a shark.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

But Will The Buck Stop There?

There’s a deer in the bathroom.

Its name, we don’t know.

We’ve decided to call her

By the name of “John Doe.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

And The Bells Did Not Chime That Morning

I won’t give you the time of day

‘Cause, of the clock, I’m in the way.

(This line’s just setting up the final rhyme).

You’re the morning-bells’s knocker,

And you’d call me a clock-blocker

Except, of course, you haven’t got the time.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

What’s A Furry Anyway?

Dogs are lovely.

Cats are not.

I guess It’s inappropriate

To call either of them “hot.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems