When my friends ask me
“Why are you still single?”
I tell them my hobby
Is sitting, staring at my phone, trying to think of a satisfying rhyme for single
So I can finish my poem
That I write on my blog-ingle.
Tag Archives: Travesty
‘Cause Female Equality, Am I Right? (Plus We Get To See Tom Cruise In A Bikini)
Just once I want to see a film
Where a short male action star
Beats up a bunch of amazons
And never gets a scar,
Pummeling the female goons
With his 5th percentile fists
But we’ll never see that movie
‘Cause sexism exists.
Filed under Poems
Yeah… Not Inspired Lately
All these folks are making jokes
Like why was six afraid of seven?
So seven ate nine, that’s well and fine
But I’ve got a joke sent from heaven:
Why were e people
Afraid of the letter W?
Cause White people.
Haha, hehe, whoo!
Filed under Poems
Self Help Books Be Like…
If you want your life to be
Super awesome, just like me,
All you need to do is prep
Yourself to follow my five-step
Method, starting from step one
Which is to have a lot more fun.
Step two is focus on your health
To be someone of fame and wealth.
Step three is saying “no” a lot
To things like drugs and tater tots.
Step four is once a day to eat
A snake no shorter than forty feet.
Step five is to make your bed.
Congrats! Now work until you’re dead.
Filed under Poems
Neverland Envy
It’s fun listening to kids complain:
“I don’t want to make my bed!
“I don’t want to eat dinner!
“No! I only like red!”
It’s fun to see them cry about
Their multitude of misery
Because I can imagine how great
It would feel if that were me!
Filed under Poems
Model U.N.
Somebody somewhere decided one day
That most of the countries on earth
Should send representatives to talk about
Things that have slim to no worth.
Then somebody somewhere looked at that group
And said, “Hey all my scholastic friends,
“What if we did that make-believe peace thing
“But for us it will just be pretend?”
Filed under Poems
Checkmate, Libertarians!
Anyone who says taxes
Are not part of nature’s desire
Has never put a pair of socks
Into any sort of a dryer.
Filed under Poems
Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…
Sometimes I look in the mirror
And see myself staring at me,
And when I clean the glass it gets clearer
And I know it’s my face that I see
And I look at myself and think “Wow!
“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”
And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive
And thus space out when you start talking.
Filed under Poems
Enough Of Pthis Greek Shipt
There once was a guy named Ptolemy
Who was ptaller than just about any ptree.
And wouldn’pt you know it
I don’pt have a punchline
But I pthink you get the tpoint.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 