There once was a Florida man
Who owned a white messenger van.
You can picture I bet
How weird that could get
And we didn’t even mention his tan…
Tag Archives: Travesty
This Would Be A Perfect Dance Anthem, Because It’s Fun And Rhythmic But The Words Are Stupid
Somedays I think that people stink;
They’re lazy and they’re rude.
Then I remind myself their kind
Makes all the tasty food,
And so I sniff and get a whiff
Of B.O. and lemonade…
When life gives you lemons, you need to demons
trate that it’s not a bad trade.
Filed under Poems
Forget “Hope”, “Faith”, “Joy”… Give Me a Good Name!
We’re all human, the same flesh and blood,
And our brains all work the dame way,
But some people think that a child named Dink
Is perfectly fine and okay
While others are Henry for 12 generations
And some are named Diogenese
And yet never in history has someone had
A child named “Delicious Melty Cheese.”
Filed under Poems
And So The Cycle Continues
Not enough poems are written
About the legendary Scott:
We would remedy this, except
Of what he did, we knowest not.
Filed under Poems
I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND
Right now it’s been 21 minutes
Since I started loading my homework
And the first question still hasn’t loaded.
I imagine sometime in the future
When the sun is a distant memory
And perhaps the whole universe has imploded
I’ll finally look at my laptop
And see “Question 1 of 16”
Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…
Well, it’s been seven more minutes
Since I started writing this poem
So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!
Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)
Filed under Poems
Thus, Jeff Was Born
I like to imagine that somebody said
“I’m naming my child Cheff
“‘Cause that’s the sound a choo choo makes
“When played in super high def.”
Then their friend said, “Yeah, Cheff sounds cool
“But what if the first syllable
“Sounded like a French librarian
“Trying to shush people into a lull?”
Filed under Poems
One Upside To WW III
In a positive twist on current events,
It seems the number of incidents
Of accidental gunshots dropped
When everybody suddenly stopped
Tolerating anything Russian,
Which apparently included pushing
A swift end to games of Russian Roulette.
So hey! Take what good news you get!
Filed under Poems
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Some kids will say “Astronaut”.
Some kids will say “Surgeon.”
Some kids will say “Engineer”
Which means they misspelled “Virgin.”
Some kids will say “A Hero
“Dressed in armor and a cowl.”
But props to the kid who said
“I’d be your girlfriend’s towel.”
Filed under Poems
Why Modern Poets Are Thin
A poem without rhyming’s
Like a cheeseburger without cheese,
A BLT with no tomato,
A bowl of carrots without peas.
A poem without rhyming
Lacks flavor and synergy
But alas I’m on a diet
And must cut whatever calories I can…
Filed under Poems
(And I Don’t Think It’s Fair)
Tonight we lose an hour
Which I don’t think is fair.
It’s like somebody skipped the end of a poem
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 