My dream is not too grandiose;
It’s simply to be less verbose.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Nice Guys Finish Last… It’s A Gift
All I want for Christmas
Is a lump of coal.
I hope I get one soon.
My only problem
Is I’m a good boy
And also that it’s June.
Filed under Poems
Dear Cheese…
Though made to feed a bovine calf
We stole you from the mother,
Mixed you with bacteria
And rennet to feed another.
We formed this new more-yellow you
Into a wheel of cheese
To be sliced and melted freely
By whosoever it should please.
Your sacrifice is noted
And has brought the world much joy
And we’ll fight to keep you relevant
In a world obsessed with soy.
Filed under Poems
The Flavor Of “Winning”
For a moment I sat there
With blood on my hands
Smearing life on my white-bread toast
In a room all alone
With inanimate friends
In a halfway house built for a ghost.
My Ferrari was mired
In a 90-hour week
When I needed just 12 to survive
But I’d long since stopped living
For the privilege of being
Among the elite few who can thrive.
The child in the basement
Was calling for daddy
‘Til its fat little throat had gone raw
And yet I was too busy
Helping others to join me
To notice my life had a flaw.
But if I’d payed attention,
Tasted a tomato
Or felt a moth land in my hair,
Just walked outside barefoot
Or put salt in my coffee
I’d realize somehow I still care.
I care about family.
I care about freedom.
I don’t need this bottle and pill.
And maybe that baby
Will say “taste the tomato”
And if I haven’t yet died then I will.
Filed under Poems
Shakespearean Breakups
The whale, beached as it may be,
Still dreams of life upon the sea,
So ask not whence your velvet coat
And why ’twas pawned to buy a boat.
Just read my explanation note;
“Your dream. Sincerely, me.”
Filed under Poems
A Squirt Of Perspective
Slice of lemon in your glass?
That happens all the time,
But have you ever wondered why
It’s not a slice of lime?
The lighter-colored citrus fruits
Are served most frequently
Because climate change and racists.
That’s what half the people see.
The other half are shouting
That the lack of water-limes
Is thanks to the free-market
In these far-from-certain times
And that the pro-lime lobbyists
Will take your guns away
And so in lemon drinks we trust…
In Jesus’ name we pray.
Filed under Poems
I Want To Be A Journalist Now
Some folks say women and men.
Some say females and males.
I say:
Some lives have a destination.
Some lives are about the journey.
Some people like kisses.
Some people prefer hugs.
Some are busy writing:
Cooked Allah Mode
There is a mighty crater here
Where recently there wasn’t.
Ali-Baba said his bomb works
And I said “No it doesn’t.”
Ali-Baba sure was right.
Correct ’twas the hunch he had,
But he misread the bombs locale.
Thus ended his jihad.
When Your Eternal Soul Is An Introvert
Being human is great
But the best thing to be
Reincarnated as
(According to me)
Is the inside part
Of the roof of a home
‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient
And people leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
Buzzfeed Journalism
Everything in life worth knowing
Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.
If you don’t see how that’s possible
Your name probably isn’t Greg.
Filed under Poems
