Today, when I was peeing
And pondering my existence,
I realized I hadn’t thought about sex in 24 hours.
What I was suddenly seeing
Was not some great resistance
But the fact that Magic: The Gathering has given me superpowers.
Tag Archives: Truth
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
Dear Every Channel Today, Apparently…
If you feel the need to change our minds
Two days before our votes are cast
I suggest that your campaign was crap
And the time for changing minds has passed.
Filed under Poems
See Also: People Who Drive The Speed Limit In The Carpool Lane
There once was a political leftist
And another who leaned to the right.
They both mocked the art in banks and hotels
And then peacefully mumbled “Good night.”
Filed under Poems
Beetlejuice, Then And Now
In 1988 they made a movie of a couple
Who died driving off a one lane bridge.
They ended up haunting their family home
Because New Yorkers tried to sell their fridge.
They sang a reggae song about bananas
And almost had a wedding with a demon
And then a random sandworm saved the day
And everybody smiled instead of screamin’.
In 2024 they made a movie of a kid
And her parents and grandparents and a cop who is actually an actor, and an ex-wife and some random murdery boyfriend, etc.
They also had a wedding with a demon
Before a random sandworm saved the day
And I’m just wondering why Hollywood
Can’t just make films the 1988 way.
Filed under Poems
My Marriage
She says “What?”
I say “Your butt.”
Then we both smile
And snuggle a while.
Filed under Poems
It’s The Little Things
So World War 3 is imminent
And everyone’s poor and depressed
But they’re selling egg nog at Costco again
So I feel a little less stressed
Filed under Poems
Book Review: “The Accomplishments of Kamala Harris”
Kamala is a person
Who’s been in political office for years.
The following are her accomplishments
That distinguish her from peers:
Filed under Poems
No One Beats America… Even America
Some say we need to make America
A strong, resilient nation again.
To those people I would ask
To name exactly when
Our country, whose brave leaders
Are vegetables and crooks,
Whose best and brightest students
Struggle reading chapter books,
Whose economy is imaginary
And whose borders are nonexistent
And is still full of opportunity
Stopped being so resilient?
Filed under Poems
What Makes An Artist Successful?
The important part of making art
May be your visible passion
Whether for painting, poetry,
Sculpture, dance, or fashion.
It may be skill, in motion or still,
Technique from masters past…
But I think it’s knowing a millionaire
Who needs tax write-offs fast!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 