There once was an irreverent poet
With a blog, and he wanted to grow it
But with few likes per post
The internet host
Told google results not to show it.
Category Archives: Poems
And Then There Were Just 14 Balls
I asked a higher being,
The all-knowing and all seeing
If I should turn my life around
Or stay the same, all safe and sound.
I saw a vision in the blue
And what it said had to be true.
I summoned my courage and focused my zen.
It said “Reply hazy. Try again.”
Filed under Poems
Someone In Delaware, Get On This Please!
As Uber and Lyft are to taxis,
As AirB&B is to lodging
We need a low-cost solution
To enable the art of tax-dodging.
Uber and Lyft are slang and misspellings.
AirB&B is the service plus “air.”
I suggest “AirTyght” for our no-tax service
And if you disagree I don’t care.
Filed under Poems
Me Too/Two/To
After my boss said “You’re fired”
I bought the Harley I’d always admired
But without my car
I don’t travel too far.
I think it’s because I’m two-tired.
Filed under Poems
I’m Not Advocating Kidnapping, But…
We once had damsels in distress
And knights to ride to their aid.
Although the knights and damsels are gone
The distress somehow has stayed.
As the all-knowing poet
I have a solution of course:
We need more women who love dragons
And fewer men who own a horse.
Filed under Poems
Men
There are 300 urinals present.
Just the first and last are used at all.
If one of those two isn’t open
Non-sociopaths use a stall.
Filed under Poems
Yep, Still Single…
Cancer is better than feminists.
Of this I am convinced.
I know people who beat cancer
And haven’t heard from it since.
But fate is not so happy
For those who’ve contracted feminism
For between them and common sense
Is a nigh-incurable schism.
Cancer kills quickly and painfully.
Feminism’s mostly the same
Except it lacks social stigma
And casts a whole lot more blame.
Feminists ask for equality
While cancer makes all of us equal.
Cancer terminates us while feminism
Makes an all-female terminator sequel.
And if you find you’re a feminist
Whether long-term or out of the blue
You have to live with yourself. With cancer
That’s something you don’t have to do.
Filed under Poems
Side Effects Include Incontinence, Loss of Sleep, Mood Swings, And A Decrease In Bank Account Balances For 18+ Years
Is it just me or do baby names
Sound more and more like drugs?
Is Aaliyah or Grayson
Something one swallows or hugs?
Of Magdalen, Kavita,
Nunzio, and Tierneigh
Which are babies and which are options
To ask my doctor if its right for me?
There’s Allegra and Zahara,
Bahari and Alok,
Yet none of these has side-effects
According to my doc.
My hope is in the future
Parents go back so “Pam” and “Lee.”
That or RX companies
Make a drug named after me.
Filed under Poems
Fline Then
I gave someone a gift
Of pigeons sitting on a rock.
When they asked why I told them:
“I don’t give a flying flock.”
Filed under Poems
Home Alone
I stare blankly at the wall,
Fill my mind with off-white paint,
Then picture staring at your face
And feel thankful that I ain’t.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 