There we were upon the sea
And looking for some fun.
We got a wad of dollar bills
To go play 21.
We sat upon a padded stool
And bet our livelihood.
Some hands didn’t go so well
(As math suggests it should).
However, one fine gentleman
Who couldn’t hear a word
Was tipping well the dealer
And flipping math the bird.
Overall we lost a bit
But had a lot of fun.
Also, I know why cruise ships
Don’t let you pack a gun.
Filed under Poems
I’m back from my vacation
And my entire body hurts.
My throat is sore, my feet are tired,
And my nose occasionally squirts.
My head is full of dizzies
And my toes are cold as ice
But the pictures on my cell phone
Look really, really nice!
Filed under Poems
Be me on the ocean
On my early morning jaunt
And I’m greeted on the stairway
By a chocolate croissant.
It’s sitting on a marble step,
Uneaten, undisturbed,
And it greets me silently,
Melty and unperturbed.
Part of me is hungry
And would gladly pick it up
But my wife holds my left hand
And my right hand holds a cup.
Instead I bend my pelvis
And my knees caress the floor
And in one delicious moment
The croissant is no more.
Filed under Poems
There once was a poet (that’s me)
Who’s vacationing tomorrow at sea.
I’ll be gone a week, and lack
Internet access (Alack!)
So I won’t publish for a while. Sorry!
Filed under Poems
I signed up for a credit card
And I’m going to be rich.
See, the card has special privileges
That’s almost like a glitch:
Every time you spend with it
You get a hundred loyalty bucks
That you can trade for fancy stuff
Like jewelry or Chucks.
Update: It’s been seven months.
I have a billion bucks, and I
Am being tracked by debt collectors
And I need to cry.
It turns out that a billion bucks
Translates to about a dime
And there’s something called an “interest”
That grows a lot with time.
Update: Now my stuff is gone
And I live on the street
With somebody named “Pickle Jim”
And also “Fentanyl Pete.”
I guess the whole “free money” thing
Made me spend a bit too hard
But at least I could exchange my points
For a Visa prepaid card!
Filed under Poems
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
We have so many electric guitars
And so many chimps in the zoo
And yet humankind
Has not had the mind
To try out combining the two…
Filed under Poems
If I ever try to be president
I’ll be a republican household name
Because if the other sise doesn’t like me
They don’t know how to aim.
Filed under Poems
Today I ran a 5K race
And lost at pickleball
So my writing motivation
Is hovering around “none at all.”
Filed under Poems
I’m sensing some commonplace themes
That is fear of fascist regimes
Where government’s shrinking
And people start thinking
And grocery receipts don’t cause screams
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 