Sure, his work was childish
And adequate at best…
Did I give too much homework
Or too difficult a test?
Perhaps I judged too harshly…
I didn’t know I’d cause a fuss
When I told my student, Adolf,
That he’d earned a big D+
Tag Archives: Black Humor
Yet Another Tinder Success
She was skinnier than the toilet paper
They gave me in the slammer.
Her favorite flavor of potato chip
Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”
She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops
And half as much without
And her hair was like the love child
Of silly string and sauerkraut.
When I picked her up at 7:00
I mistook her for her Pomeranian.
Turns out she was trilingual:
English, Klingon, and Albanian.
We went to see a movie:
“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”
I’m not saying I’m desperate
But I think I felt a spark!
Filed under Poems
12 Vs. 22
“My tummy hurts.
My throat is sore.
I don’t want to go school no more.“
“My soul is charred.
My dreams are dead.
Take an aspirin and go to bed.”
Filed under Poems
That One Episode Of Whatever Sci-Fi Show Had The Right Idea
I think we should legalize drugs
And make them free with dosage immense;
Everyone who wants drugs will be happy
And then die. I just think it makes sense!
Filed under Poems
Ask Me About My School Lunch Policy
If I had a peanut
For every time I had a dark thought
There we be fewer kids with allergies
And crematoriums would profit a lot.
Filed under Poems
Sincerely, Asian Parents
If at first you don’t succeed
Find a doctor or lawyer with which to breed
Then every day remind your kid
They need to succeed at what you never did.
Filed under Poems
Psychiatrists Might Call This “A Cry For Help”
There once was a homicidal maniac
Who like to hold poets hostage.
He may not understand rhyming
But as long as I keep writing
He won’t turn me into bolognese sauce…
Filed under Poems
Plus Now The Taxidermist Has An Amazing Story!
Jen lost ten pounds through exercise.
Steve lost twenty by changing his diet.
I lost sixty pounds when my tapeworm came out
But Jen and Steve are too chicken to try it.
Filed under Poems
Careful Where You Hang Your Hat
Some friends and I were mucking about
The attic when we found
And old top hat with a label that
Said “This makes men dance around.”
So we rolled some snowballs up
And made a face of carrot and coal
And we plopped that cap on the snowy chap
And pretended he had a soul.
Alas, for us, the sun was hot
And dancers tend to sweat
So when the day had gone away
That magic hat was wet,
So we hung it by the fire
Atop Grandpa’s antique poker…
So yes officer, that’s what did this to her.
‘Twas Frosty’s spirit that done broke ‘er!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 