Tag Archives: Cynical

February 28, 2018 · 11:34 am

He’s Only Unqualified Because Privilege!

Marvel should create someone

Whose a hero with no powers,

Like a non-billionaire Batman

In front of whom no villain cowers.

He should be short and poor and whiny,

Cry a lot and be a victim

And whenever he’s out heroing

The Avengers ask “who picked ‘im?”

He displays no special qualities,

Lacks gadgets, brains, and strength

Which is why those who are like him

Need representation. At any length…

I think the point I’m making

Is while, sure, “Super” is great

We need an Affirmative Action Hero!

(Now your hate mail I await)

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February 24, 2018 · 11:30 am

George R.R. Martin Haikus

Tiny perfect love

Harmless as the falling snow…

Let’s murder it! Lol

——————————————————–

If your life is bland

Even though you’re rich and stuff

Why not try incest?

——————————————————–

I like stories where

Characters have twelve names each.

Maybe that’s just me…

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February 22, 2018 · 9:46 am

When You’re Flying In 16A

Like the great beluga whale

It weighs a couple tons,

Is pale as homemade yogurt,

And very seldom runs,

It makes a high-pitched squealing

When it means to share its views.

It mentions it’s in 16B

And apparently that’s good news?

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February 10, 2018 · 10:19 am

Romance, California Style

It may have been love

If that’s what you call it,

‘Cause I liked her tits

And she liked my wallet.

As it turned out later

Hers and mine were both fake

But we both loosed our hair buns

And took what we could take.

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February 6, 2018 · 11:29 am

Cinderella, Millennial

As the clock strikes midnight

In the palace of ice

My glass shoes turn to cowhide,

My horses become mice,

My hair falls in dirty sheets

Over my blouse, which ironically

Is also made of dirty sheets

Which still smell better than me,

And I see my prince’s eyes widen

And he tells me I’m still beautiful

So I slap him and run away

‘Cause I don’t like being objectified

By one-percenters.

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January 18, 2018 · 10:52 am

College Life (AKA the Sin Inn)

When you give a kid a scholarship

To live away from home

Where kids are doing naughty stuff

The “scholar” says “when in Rome!”

And thus begins the dorm life,

Debauchery, and boozing,

Where pipes are not for water

And beds are not for snoozing,

Where you can study english,

Philosophy, or anthropology

But still spend evenings studying

The opposite sex’s biology.

Mom and Daddy pay for this,

So you can unguiltily be bad

And get a job at Wendy’s

While not getting shot by Wendy’s Dad.

All this pleasure comes to you

For only a few hundred K of loans,

So send your applications now!

(That or just play on your phones).

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January 17, 2018 · 9:46 am

My Feelings On Peaceful Protest

There is no force that’s stronger,

No emotion that’s more real,

Than the utter nothingness

Your complaining makes me feel.

There’s nothing within my heart,

Through whose beating I live,

More mighty than the many fucks

I really do not give.

Some see your signs and wonder

And some your cause will join.

I think “wait or hit the gas?”

Then smile and flip a coin.

So if you feel like marching

There’s at least one who won’t sway

And if you see a Ford Ranger

You’d be wise to move away.

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January 9, 2018 · 10:56 am

Flowery Thoughts

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Yet a more valuable fact

Is less cited as true:

They’re symbols of waste,

The decay of one’s youth,

Yet one must buy flowers

To prove that you’re couth.

For every blue violet

And red rose you eschew

The longer the doghouse

Shall be fate for you.

So for my fellow rebels

Who see trees but not forests…

When we kill all the lawyers

Let’s also kill florists.

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January 2, 2018 · 12:20 pm

Here’s Where “All The Good Men” Are Going

They said I could dance if I wanted,

But I didn’t pay them no mind.

I said my friends don’t dance

And since they don’t dance

I’ll happily respond in kind.

They said I could wink if I wanted,

Use my privilege as a white male,

But if the non-dancers

Spew their postmodern cancers

Then I’ll probably end up in jail.

The jail guys dance if they wanna.

They’ll dance with convict behinds,

And since they’re “oppressed”

They don’t second guess

To ask if their partner minds.

So thanks but no thanks to the dancing.

I’ll enjoy my private gloom

‘Cause I don’t want the event

Of past-tense non-consent

To be my freedom’s doom.

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December 23, 2017 · 12:41 pm

Unintended Consequences

‘Twas two days before Christmas

And filling the sky

Were Amazon.com drones

Sent by those who clicked “buy.”

The children looked up

And they felt the lie slipping.

Parents said “Santa outsourced

“To get next day shipping.”

The children relaxed,

Curiosity sated

And went to their rooms

And for Christmas eve waited.

Meanwhile in Alaska

Somewhere near North Pole

Rudolph stood in line

To get on the state’s dole,

To collect unemployment

For now he could see

That his job, thanks to robots,

Had gone down in history.

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