I have no ambition,
Motivation, manly vigor.
I have very little money
And just three inches down there.
I wish I were more macho,
Richer, smarter, or just bigger
But your ad said if I’m honest
Then you really couldn’t care.
Tag Archives: Dating
Self-Discovery, The Very-Old Fashioned Way
If I were a trilobite
I’d be very lonely.
I’d go on trilodate.com
But I’d find myself only.
I’d be alone through every night
And have very little fun.
But I realize I don’t know what I trilobite is
And also that I just might be one.
Filed under Poems
Why I Never Got Together With That Cute Girl In Class
What wonder has a flower,
A daisy or a rose,
To the clueless human
As on its way it goes?
A work of nature, beautiful,
Is worth not but a glance
For what interest has a human
In the idle ways of plants?
But a very ugly flower
That can nauseate by sight,
That makes you want to kick a baby,
Draw attention that just might.
So when you see the spiders
Crawling from my bloodshot eyes
I seek your fondness and attention.
‘Twas not that so very wise?
Filed under Poems
Questionable Pickup Line #473
If you see a girl you like
And say to her “my name is Mike”
Then it’d be a real shame
If that weren’t your real name.
Filed under Poems
Lots Of Variety, At Least
I’ve got a great idea
For an online dating site
Wherein critical care patients
Can be Mister or Miss Right.
Those not long for this world
From Tennessee to Guam
Can find a short-term love
At ExpirationDate.com
Filed under Poems
Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0
In fair Verona, long ago
Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,
Two kids who, about each other, raved
And whom better communication skills could have saved.
For in a land where alchemists
Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed
Informing your partner of your choice to partake
In such a substance is a wise choice to make,
But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old
Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.
And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born
To suffice in an era with no access to porn.
This is why I didn’t call;
I just want our love to conquer all.
Filed under Poems
Just An Older, Superterranean Type Of Lady
It seems every woman I meet
Is a gold digger of sorts,
Or else too young to engage
As romantically-inclined cohorts.
I’m not the sort of man who’s oft
Accused or called a whiner
But for once I want to meet a gal
Who’s not a miner or a minor.
Filed under Poems
The Dinner Date
Socializing’s when you find
People you dislike the least
And gather anxiously
To waste money on a feast
While imbibing neurotoxins
To make the evening fun
Then compete to talk the most
Until you all agree “we’re done.”
Filed under Poems
Match.com Self-Summary
Some men are boob guys.
Some like hair and eyes.
Some seek butts from all across the globe.
Some go nuts for feet,
But what I think’s neat
Is a lady with some really nice earlobes.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 