Some days your mind is foggy
And your heart is cold as ice
But you know soon you’ll have a poop
And that will feel nice!
Tag Archives: Life
Hope Exists In Odd Places
The fact that football stadiums
Are filled with maskless faces
Who came to watch a bunch of men
Of many faiths and races
Hit each other for a ball
While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”
Makes me think the world’s too good
To suddenly abandon.
Filed under Poems
Better Than Two Cliche New Years Haiku… But Not By Much
Last year if I forgot to write
A poem (like yesterday)
I would write two poems, both
Which would have nothing to say.
This year my resolution
Is to write one thing that’s good
Instead of writing two bad poems
Just ‘cause I said I would.
So if you are that one person
Who reads my daily crap
And realized I missed a day
I hope you’ll stop and clap
Because I’ve reframed laziness
In terms of personal growth
And if that isn’t something good
Then what it is I do not know’th.
Filed under Poems
Dreams and Reality
One day I’ll wake in the morning
And look to the sky in the East
And see the sunrise with my well rested eyes
Before cooking a bacony feast.
One day I’ll go for a run
For a mile, or maybe for ten
Then go on a date with my lovely soulmate
And laugh ‘til the sun sets again.
One day my dreams may be real
But I pray it does not come to that
‘Cause today I slept in and wore naught but my skin
And drank egg nog and snuggled a cat.
Filed under Poems
Reflection
He looked in the mirror
And instead of his face
He saw someone worthy
Of goodness and grace;
A man who was useful,
Who’d given enough,
With bountiful beauty
Though his edges were rough;
A man that he knew
Deserved the fine feeling
That he could rise higher
Uncrushed by the ceiling;
A man who saw Heaven
In shelves left undusted,
Who hadn’t yet learned
It’s alright to be rusted;
A man who’d been beaten
Yet rose straight and tall
On the day he believed
It was his face after all.
Filed under Poems
Domesticity 2.0
I built two homes in my mind
On a foundation of good intent.
One was perfect, charming, yellow,
But alas away it went.
The second house is red and black
And full of song and sharing,
And though it also may away
It’s worthy of my daring.
This darker home reminds me
Of the prayers I spoke when young,
Of Autumn wind and springtime rain
And hymns borne from my tongue,
A home of possibilities
Where nothing goes unsaid.
God willing, we’ll build it together;
Until then, it’s in my head.
Filed under Poems
Bad With Names? Try This One Simple Trick That Oprah Said Is “No Comment”
If everyone in the entire world
Named their kids “Steve Penn”
We’d never have to sign our name
On anything again,
Never have an awkward moment
When you wake up in bed
With someone whose name you forgot…
Just say “Hey Steve” instead!
You’d never wear a name tag,
Never forget who wrote a play…
Everyone would win on Jeopardy
And movie credits would go away.
It’s such a great idea
That I hardly have to sell it,
Even though if everyone’s share’s the name
Baristas would still misspell it.
We would have an era of peace
If everyone were named “Steve Penn.”
That is, until people used middle names
And the chaos returned again…
Filed under Poems
When You Ask Them To Say “Cheese” And They Say “Take The F***ing Picture Already”
A thin grin, a smile with guile,
A false upward turn of the lips:
Needless to say, if you know a way
To take good family photos, share tips!
Filed under Poems
Castaway 2021
Dan McGill from Denver
Got on a plane. In the sky he
Heard the engine failing
Before they landed in Hawaii.
Alas, they never landed,
Unless you count a watery tomb,
And only Dan survived the plunge
And swam away from doom.
He found himself an island
With a single tree for shade
And he dug into the sandy beach
Until a cave was made.
He lived inside the cavern
Eating fish and coconuts,
Making no excuses,
Eschewing all ifs, ands, and buts.
He was stranded many months,
Perhaps a year or more,
Until one night a ship passed by
The little sandy shore.
The castaway called “Ho there,”
And the captain turned to lee
And knowing he was rescued
Dan Mcgill exclaimed “Yippee!”
Then the crewmen came ashore,
Handed him a water bottle,
And said “You can’t say ‘Ho there.’
“The term is ‘Yonder social media model.’”
Then they asked “Where is your mask
“And proof of vaccination?”
And Dan replied “Oh, sorry guys,
“I’m really on vacation!”
So sailed away Dan’s only hope
Of rescue from the isle,
And for miles the sky was lit
Up bright by Danny’s smile.
“God,” he said, with praying hands,
“You saved me from the plane,
“And now your mercy saved me
“From an even greater pain!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 