I worked 13 hours today
So a two line poem is a-ok.
Tag Archives: Life
No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?
Don’t you love when you decide
“I should update my browser app”
And then two hours later
It’s like the internet took a nap
And you’re wishing you could google
What to do when the web is slow
But your browser app is downloading
And there’s nowhere to go
So instead of browsing
Through memes and news and stuff
You finally say “Screw it”
And admit enough’s enough
And go into the world again
And gaze on nature’s splendor?
I don’t. I write poems instead.
How’s that for a comedic ender?
Neverland Envy
It’s fun listening to kids complain:
“I don’t want to make my bed!
“I don’t want to eat dinner!
“No! I only like red!”
It’s fun to see them cry about
Their multitude of misery
Because I can imagine how great
It would feel if that were me!
Filed under Poems
Playground
Some people bought the story
Of pursuing fame and glory,
Of health and wealth and growing,
Running forward, never slowing.
I see those people every day,
Each burned out in their own way,
Faces lined by years and hassle;
I laugh inside my cardboard castle.
They are knights in shining armor,
Not satisfied to be a farmer,
Dying for causes another chose;
My armor is purple pillows.
They fight over feelings they never said,
Fighting a thought they’ve trapped in their head
For fear if people knew what they thought
They’d be revealed as someone not doing so hot.
I know I’m a no-one, and no I don’t care
As I play in my sandbox in fresh autumn air.
Maybe you mock me, but maybe you doubt;
After all, what if fun is what life’s all about?
What if the crusaders, celebrities, kings
Understand medals are just metal things?
What if they know, but their leisure depends
On you staying tired and having no friends?
Do you want to know if enough is enough,
If the pain doesn’t pay for the meaningful stuff?
Care to discover if your dreams can come true?
My castle has enough space to fit two…
Filed under Poems
This Is A Lazy Poem Unless You Work At A Stuffed Animal Factory
Today I was busy
And did lots of stuff
So I went back home
And pumped out this fluff.
Filed under Poems
Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU
What if all the billionaires
Just stood out on the street
And walked around in circles
And challenged everyone they’d meet
To have a Pokemon battle
That they would surely lose
And give the winner money?
But alas, they’re only jews.
Filed under Poems
This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you no longer exist
You will not be scared or sad
Annoyed, confused, or pissed;
You will not suffer any pain
Or shed a single tear,
No longer prone to earthly woes,
‘Cause you’re no longer here!
If you cease to be a thing
Nothing will cause you harm.
You won’t regret the time you wasted
On your Facebook farm.
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you’re absent from the dawn
You won’t mind when the whole world sings
“Thank God he’s finally gone!”
Filed under Poems
Penne For Your Thoughts?
What if, when the world was new
And nothing breathed and nothing grew
A race of beasts made of spaghetti
Were getting set and getting ready
To build cities, slim and tall,
In which they’d gather, one and all,
Until the dinosaurs emerged
And the noodle cities were submerged
Beneath the oceans, wide and blue,
Until they used their magic to
Bring down a stone wide as ten miles
To do away with rude reptiles.
Now, again the Earth was theirs.
Out of the ocean they built stairs
Only to find, in the dinosaurs’ place
A young and vibrant human race.
This time instead of genocide
By meteor ten miles wide
They made the human race instead
Love noodles much like they loved bread.
So when the noodle race was old
And slightly stale and very cold
They smiled, knowing all was not lost. The
Human race would make more pasta!
Filed under Poems
Your Vocabulary Word Of The Day Is…
Sometimes it can be tough
To deal with all of your stuff,
And so the path that seems easiest
Is to be an eccedentesiast.
Filed under Poems
Doublespeak (Or How I Learned To Stop Talking And Accept That I’m Wrong)
“Awesome” means “Good” now.
“Good” now means “Fair”.
“Okay” means “I’m lousy”.
“Lousy” means “In Despair”.
“Gold plans“ are baseline;
“Platinum” is normal.
Shirts are for business
And blue jeans are formal.
“Nothing” means “Something”
And “Yes” can mean “No”
But y’all still jump to conclusions
When I said “She’s a hoe.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 