I figured I could dabble
In championship Scrabble.
Then he played “Krypterqu”
For 502.
Now I just play with the rabble.
Tag Archives: poems
How To Fail Less
If at first you don’t succeed
Find out who has made it so
Then stab that person ’til they bleed
And on to victory you’ll go.
This strategy has proven good
Historically for folks who are male
But wait! Do it not you should
If you cause yourself to fail.
Filed under Poems
Seven Crappy Little Poems I Wrote At 11:48 Last Night
Confederate Secrets
A lot of slaves were literate
Or so I’ve been told.
I wonder if they ever read
“Chicken Soup for the Sold?”
America’s Digital Security
Obama’s password:
PASSORD
Note: No “W”
Our Beloved President
Since I have a Lamborghini
They don’t care that my dick’s teeny.
I like… like “like-like…”
Liking, like, likes I, like, like.
You’re, like, welcome. lol
Christian Bakeries
I was going to buy a baguette
But they thought I was a faggot.
Nothing awful happened though.
They kept their bread. I kept my dough.
Technically Accurate…
If you like corn on the cob
There’s a very small chance you’re part of the mob.
Hell
If you want a drink in Hell
You’ll find you have to go
To that one drinking fountain
With the insufficient flow,
And French-kiss the rusty spigot
That’s soaking wet with drool.
Satan got the idea
From your local middle school.
Filed under Poems
When You Should Have Stopped After The First Weird Limerick
If you grew a six-foot long beard
You’d probably think it was weird
But after a while
You’d probably smile
And think “This ain’t as bad as I feared.”
And if a six-foot beard grew you
It would not know what to do
Because shaving’s a pain
And beards don’t have a brain.
These dilemmas are why I’m not a jew.
Filed under Poems
Hint: Probably Someone In Florida
Who drove by a lemonade stand
And thought about it later
And decided, instead of lemons,
The -ade would be better with gators?
Filed under Poems
Yet We Know All About Sea Cucumber Reproduction…
If you took the Bible
And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”
With “I like to eat babies”
You’d have the very same book.
The same can be said for “Croissant,”
And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”
I find it quite surprising
No one’s written a thesis on this yet.
Filed under Poems
Acrostic Pickup Lines
H is for “Hey hot stuff!”
E is for “Eek! Sorry mom.”
Y is for “Yikes.”
Filed under Poems
I’m Neither Micro Nor Soft… If You Know What I Mean
I once saw a lass dressed in lace
Who had the most beautiful face.
I said “please don’t hate
“But my name’s Windows 8.”
Then I asked “Can I crash at your place?”
The Daily Travesty 