Once in a while you meet someone nice,
And once a year someone ideal,
But once in a lifetime you might meet a person
Who’s someone entirely real;
Who burps like a hippo and sleeps like a kitten
With hair that demands that you pet it;
They’ll go out of their way to buy baby corn
Though it took them two Safeways to get it.
Sometimes that person is one of a kind,
Someone faithful and honest and true,
And your only job is forgetting to doubt
That their perfect partner is you.
Filed under Poems
At my girlfriend’s house…
Use your imagination
Or don’t… that’s your call
Filed under Poems
Toses ate ted
Violets ate blue.
Appatently changing a lettet
Makes things hungty, ctew!
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There once was a democracy
Of half a billion, plus me.
The others said no,
But I said yes, so
You are my slaves. Hee hee hee.
Filed under Poems
Beds are safe and soft and warm
And in them you won’t come to harm.
But when you wake to pee at night
Then be harmed you may well might.
That’s why when you have to pee
Don’t get up for the W.C.
Your mattress was absorbantly designed
And I promise mom and dad won’t mind!
Filed under Poems
!sdren …kcab ti daer ot troffe taerg ot oG
ot dediced ohW
uoy a osla saw erehT
.sdrow kcal did eh dnim sih ni esuaceB
sdrawkcab etorw ohw yug a saw ecno erehT
Filed under Poems
There once was an actor named Will
Who was punished for slapping, until
He thought “I’ll never be arrested
“If they knew I molested
“And trafficked minors for capitol hill!”
Filed under Poems
It rises like a mountain,
Slopes gently like a hill,
Softer than a lullaby
And gives me such a thrill;
A spectacle, a marvel,
And my mouth will never shut
As I gaze with loving splendor
On my girl’s majestic butt.
Filed under Poems
It patrols the oceans, breathing in and out
Horrible and jolly all at once.
Scientists see it and ponder about
Whether perhaps this is how the beast hunts?
Don’t underestimate musical cheer;
It’s bite is as fierce as its bark.
Yes, if you see it you’ll quiver in fear…
The majestic harmonica shark!
Filed under Poems
Somebody jumped out of a plane one day
With a bedsheet, said “Wahoo!”
And a generation of millennials will decide if they lived
By whether or not they did that too.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 