When children attempt to be smart
They turn first to reading and art.
Then they learn “flatulence“
Rhymes with nothing but “spatulence”
And thus they resume saying fart.
Tag Archives: Silly
This Is A Lazy Poem Unless You Work At A Stuffed Animal Factory
Today I was busy
And did lots of stuff
So I went back home
And pumped out this fluff.
Filed under Poems
Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU
What if all the billionaires
Just stood out on the street
And walked around in circles
And challenged everyone they’d meet
To have a Pokemon battle
That they would surely lose
And give the winner money?
But alas, they’re only jews.
Filed under Poems
This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you no longer exist
You will not be scared or sad
Annoyed, confused, or pissed;
You will not suffer any pain
Or shed a single tear,
No longer prone to earthly woes,
‘Cause you’re no longer here!
If you cease to be a thing
Nothing will cause you harm.
You won’t regret the time you wasted
On your Facebook farm.
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you’re absent from the dawn
You won’t mind when the whole world sings
“Thank God he’s finally gone!”
Filed under Poems
Your Vocabulary Word Of The Day Is…
Sometimes it can be tough
To deal with all of your stuff,
And so the path that seems easiest
Is to be an eccedentesiast.
Filed under Poems
Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)
There once was a bass who played bass
Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”
His leader then lead
Him to read what he read
But he wound up wounding his face.
Filed under Poems
He Was Not A Planner…
There once was a man from Tuskaloosa
Who had no fondness for his appaloosa.
Alas, ‘twas the only kind
Of rhyming thing he could find
So he packed up and moved to Des Moines.
Filed under Poems
But I Didn’t, So She Lied, So I Asked For My Money Back And Now I’m Absolutely Convinced That Spirits Exist
I go to a fortune teller
And give her fifteen dollars
And she pulls out a deck of cards
And makes some scary hollers
Then stares me in the eye and says
“I looked into the black
“And in about one minute
“You’ll ask for your money back.”
Filed under Poems
True At Every Age
Some days your mind is foggy
And your heart is cold as ice
But you know soon you’ll have a poop
And that will feel nice!
Filed under Poems
This Is Why God Chose Me To Have A Poet’s Salary
If I had a billion dollars
I’d buy a sports franchise
And make a special policy
To only hire guys
With super inappropriate surnames
Like Hitler, Kuntz, White-Powers,
And listen to the commentators
Say their names for hours…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 