Tag Archives: Stupid

Daddy Is The Child, While The Daddy Is Childish

If I were a professional athlete

Who married a supermodel

And knew my progeny’s eventual genes

Would be cranking out talent full-throttle

I think I would name my son “Daddy”

Just to see the look on some faces

Whenever my son is revealed as the one

Who wins all the games and the races.

“Oh yes, Daddy’s enormous”

All the commentators would say

“And Daddy’s been known to dominate

“Everybody who stands in his way.”

Let’s say Daddy learned to play hockey…

I think that would sound pretty slick:

“Daddy comes quickly towards the goal!

“I love how he handles his stick!”

Daddy could master the breast stroke,

Or hook up with a tight end,

Dribble his ball for a lay-in

Or illegally use his hands “to defend.”

Yes, my athletic son Daddy

Would make even golf fun to watch…

But alas, God made me a poet

And no athlete shall be conceived by my crotch.

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Next You’ll Tell Me Hot Sauce Bottles Breathe Fire…

Sometimes I wish

That I were a fish,

But then I think

“What if I sink?”

Just then my daughter

Said “Fish can breathe water.”

I said “You wish!

“Fish can just holds fish.”

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A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated

The average guy is a virgin.

The average girl is a hoe.

You can get a college degree

To combat toxic masculinity…

How’d we get here? I don’t know.

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Tennis: 15, Baseball: Love (Football 6 +1 or +2)

The people writing the baseball rulebook

Really wrote down things like:

“When you throw a ball and it isn’t a ball

But it doesn’t get hit it’s a strike.”

But the people who wrote the tennis book

Just smiled, or so says the lore,

When they revealed their brand new way

To calculate the score.

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Still No Cure For Cancer Though…

Every minute of every day

72 hours of film is uploaded and sent

Onto Youtube, and yet still people say

“Why’s there no good new content?”

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Thanks College!

Upon one hazy evening

Beneath the colored leaves

A poet kneels softly

And in the silence grieves.

Upon seeing this visage

A bright young student stands,

Walks towards the poet’s place

And with a screech demands

“Did you really write a poem

“That describes the leaves as ‘colored?’

“I find that language offensive

“And conclude you are a dullard!”

The poet still kneels softly

Beneath the not-green leaves,

And now you understand human stupidity

Which is why the poet grieves.

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Trust The Science

A while ago, a farmer

Would be thought a cause of harm

If he didn’t use asbestos

To fireproof his farm.

A while ago a woman

Who was pregnant and upset

Was told her pain would go away

With a tasty cigarette.

A while ago a baby

Was calm as calm could be,

Unbothered by those nasty flies

Thanks to some DDT.

They told them “Trust the science”

And “You’re selfish to abstain.”

So here we watch as history

Repeats itself again.

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Saving At The Pump

I met a lady buying gas

Who said her name was Penny.

There were ladies prettier,

But surely not too many.

As she was about to finish

Putting gas into her car

I saw her pull a lighter out

To ignite a cigar.

I rushed over and tackled her

Before the fire could start.

I explained why such a plan

Was neither safe nor smart.

I wish I could say that she

Would one day be my wife

Because I had wits quick enough

To save my Penny’s life…

But alas, the very next day

I wasn’t there, and she burned.

At least her cremation was free;

A Penny saved, a Penny urned.

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If “Breaking Bad” Starred An English Teacher

I was feeling very upset

Because I was a spammer

And all my emails were ignored

Because my targets had bad grammar.

My mother tried to comfort me…

She sat me in a chair

And patted my back and told me

“Itll bee all right. Their they’re.”

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The New Normal

Conforming is courage.

Sameness is unique.

Silence is violence

So we all must speak,

But if you speak other

Than what we agree

The only conclusion

Is patriarchy!

Everyone’s special

Except for the whites

And all men, plus women

Who want to have rights.

Such people are dangers

To our peaceful views

Unless they are silenced

By endless bad news.

“The truth” is old-fashioned.

“Your truth” will prevail.

If there are no winners

Then no one can fail!

So dye your hair purple

And get your tattoos

And be one of us rebels

Who share the same views.

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