Tag Archives: Stupid

The First Ever Skate-Park Graffiti Artist

Amidst the canyons of cement

I, with my board and spray-paint saw

Amidst the half-pipes, sad and gray,

A never-before-dreamt-of flaw.

For who would want to ride downhill

While listening to bands like “thrust” and “taint”

If there were no large bubble letters

Or titties drawn in low-cost paint?

And so I shook my can of blue.

My conscience whispered “make some art.”

And on the hill, for all to see,

In indigo I spelled out “fart.”

Inwardly proud I swallowed a sob

Then went back to congress to do my job.

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It’s A Matter Of Efficiency, Really

Today is Easter, as you know.

It’s also April Fool’s Day.

I think those go together

As they celebrate the way

That Jesus was all dead and stuff

And then suddenly he wasn’t.

The two holidays make sense to me

Because the whole “not dead” thing doesn’t.

What also doesn’t make much sense

Is a question of this kind:

It’s that God sacrificed himself

To appease himself I mind.

Not only that, but if it’s true

That Jesus isn’t dead

Then why not find another way

To cure one’s Godly head?

It seems if you’re omnipotent

You could just say “hey folks,

“Get your shit together”

Instead of the “oops, not dead yet” jokes.

But I am just a human

And can’t be my own son

So I’ll just eat my chocolate eggs

And let His will be done.

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We Are The Sum Of Our Experiences

Have you ever seen a sunrise

And thought “that’s very yellow?”

Have you ever met a stranger

And known you do not know the fellow?

Have you ever started a poem

Without knowing how it will end?

If so I have to ask you

To stop trying to steal my identity.

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Is This Just Uninspired Trash Or Some Sort Of Super-Roundabout-Yomama Joke Or What?

Folks sometimes yell

“Jesus Christ!” When they’re mad,

But what did Mary shout

When Jesus was bad?

I do have a theory

And, yes, it is lame

But when Jesus was bad

Mary shouted my name.

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Le’eonardo De’avinci

Yo, ‘sup homie.

I got da shizzow:

It’s a portrait I did

Of dis half-smilin’ hoe.

It’s all kinda dark

In a beige kinda style

And I figga the critics

Gonna rave for a while.

I got some new model

But wut’s dat bitch’s name?

Moana? Le’isa?

Nothing worthy of fame.

They’ll ask why’d I paint it

And wonder howso.

Too bad I was trippin’

And forgot her brows yo!

#Wurd

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Never Date A “Journalist”

I said “I can’t go dancing

Because of Plantar’s Fasciitis.”

She said “isn’t that when gardeners

Vote for Trump just to spite us?”

I laughed a bit too much I guess.

I thought it was just banter.

Now I’m mocked on Buzzfeed

For being a fascist planter.

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That’s All He Had Time For

Today we bury the body of Joe

Who lived to 108.

He read the terms and conditions

And thus he is “the late.”

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Don’t Be An Ass

Whosoever writeth thus

In styles archaic and old

Shall not retain a salary

And, as consequence, is cold

For whosoever writeth

In a manner hard to read

Is but a fool or PhD,

Neither of which fulfills a need.

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Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe

If you prey at a alter

And like you’re time their,

You watch the news and think

That how the world works isnt fare,

Youve misplaced yor resume

But will happily give you the jist

Than you might bee looking four jobs

Via a web sight like Craigslist.

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He’s Only Unqualified Because Privilege!

Marvel should create someone

Whose a hero with no powers,

Like a non-billionaire Batman

In front of whom no villain cowers.

He should be short and poor and whiny,

Cry a lot and be a victim

And whenever he’s out heroing

The Avengers ask “who picked ‘im?”

He displays no special qualities,

Lacks gadgets, brains, and strength

Which is why those who are like him

Need representation. At any length…

I think the point I’m making

Is while, sure, “Super” is great

We need an Affirmative Action Hero!

(Now your hate mail I await)

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